The Essay

This is an essay about me written by Peter McLaughlin. Peter interviewed me by phone, and later he told me that he was glad I didn't do "artspeak". I said I was just a plain old regular girl from the midwest and never did quite figure out how to talk like that.


Tracy Helgeson

If you saw a Tracy Helgeson painting in a window in San Francisco, or Fort Worth or Chicago… you’d know immediately who painted it. Her vibrant pink barns and fuscia colored trees leap to the eye and stick to the mind like images from a pleasant dream … the kind you can’t forget even after you wake up.

Helgeson’s landscapes – inspired by the old barns and farm lands around her home near Cooperstown, New York – are original, distinctive and surely unconventional. Where others see green trees and weathered barns, she sees them as magenta, purple, orange or even blue. But in her hands – despite the unorthodox treatment – the colors seem perfectly plausible.

When Helgeson moved to upstate New York in 2003 with her husband and four children, she was deeply affected by the beauty of the area and decided to start painting nature for the first time in her life. “Until four years ago,” she says, “I had never painted a landscape.” Helgeson admits that before moving to the little village of Fly Creek she was thoroughly a city girl who had lived and studied in Minneapolis and Philadelphia and whose forte was figure drawing. “Not having any preconceived notions of what a landscape painting should be gave me great freedom to explore and experiment. At first I just wanted to paint simple trees and horizons and skies. But then I started to notice and include the structures I saw on the local farms. I became intrigued by barns. With their strong sturdy shapes and dramatic angles they became focal points for many of my paintings. Barns served the purpose of hinting at human presence in a landscape without having to show humans.”
“When I started painting landscapes, ” says Helgeson, “ I thought the traditional paintings of that genre were rather dark and moody -- for me anyway -- and I felt a strong urge to break out of the conventional landscape tradition by using brighter, livelier colors. So I started experimenting with colors not usually seen in landscapes.”

Although they’re done in an abstracted fashion, all of Helgeson’s paintings are of real places. They may or may not be recognizable, though, because she freely changes what she sees… eliminating doors and windows from barns, putting in tree lines where they didn’t exist and, of course, changing colors. Helgeson calls her paintings a combination of observation and imagination. “In each painting I struggle to leave out details. I fight to keep my paintings simple, which goes against my natural instinct to be representational. That’s why I paint from memory or photographs and not from life. If I’m looking directly at the subject while I work I’m tempted to include too much detail. I often have to remind myself that I paint to express myself, not to depict something.”

Helgson’s paintings achieve their visual glow through a process that starts with an underpainting. “I put a big old glob of oil paint on a wood panel. (I won’t reveal the secret color but it’s of an orangish nature). Then I coat the entire panel with the paint using a cotton rag. It’s messy. I use my fingers and cotton rags to do a basic drawing, using my fingernails to scratch in the sharper lines on, say, the roof of a barn or the edge of a road. At this point I have created a full and recognizable image (it’s called a reductive drawing) that I let dry for several days. Then I apply the colors, by brush, in thin layers of transparent and opaque glazes that allow the image and the texture of the underpainting to show through.” Large areas of pure color define the simplified forms of structure, land and trees. However, closer inspection reveals many subtleties and variations within the color field. Pink is never just pink, green is never just green. Fiery orange and reds may be undercurrents, while deep blues and greens are subtle overtones.

“ I get a visceral thrill from the process of doing the painting. I delight in the texture of the surfaces, the smell of the paint, the softness of the brushes, the color of the underpainting and the process of applying each layer of color. This makes every painting a sensory pleasure for me and – I hope – for whoever else sees it.”

Despite her success with landscape painting, Helgeson would still like to add to her repertoire and do more figure drawing, the skill she developed at the Minneapolis College of Art and Design and the Philadelphia College of Art (now the University of the Arts). “While in school we drew the unclothed figure nearly every day and I became quite good at it.” To that end, Helgeson has accepted the offer to do a month-long residency in February at the Vermont Studio Center in Johnson, Vermont. As artist-in-residence she’ll be free to pursue any art form she likes. “I’ve decided to do figure painting with the same technique I now uses on my landscapes. This will be a huge challenge because as an illustrator I did the figure in a conventional way. Now I’ll have to do it in a totally different style. The results should be very interesting.”
- Peter McLaughlin

Its Own Art Form

I had planned to post yesterday, but my computer is giving me trouble. It hasn't been starting up very well, although I did manage to get it up yesterday and quickly backed up all of my info before it froze up again. Including the jpegs of all of my work for the last four years! I am such an idiot for not doing that sooner. Anyway, I am able to access my email (and blogger on Doug's computer) and when he gets back in a few days we will try to figure out what to do. I am incredibly stupid when it comes to anything technical involving the computer, so I am not too keen on even calling Apple for help though I might do that though if I find that have a few hours to kill. As much as I love my Mac, I am not too happy with Apple. Their longevity leaves something to be desired, in my experience. I have only had this computer for two years. The last one I had collapsed and died (along with all my info) after only four years.

Sorry, no image today either. It's a long story, and mostly involves me being stupid so I won't go into it here.

So a little bit more about the opening last Saturday. Jo, the gallery owner and director, and her staff, really do an incredible job of organizing their shows, events and openings. They send out postcards, email invites, and I have been receiving many google alerts for articles announcing the show and the opening reception in the local papers. When Doug and arrived to the opening, our coats were whisked away and we were offered food and drink (which was excellent, of course), and since I only drink water, someone rounded up a bottle for me. As you could see in the photographs I posted yesterday, the show was hung beautifully. Everything was balanced, not too crowded (something I tend to do when hanging a show) and Jo chose the perfect variety of sizes and images to put together. The ones she didn't include in the front room, were displayed in the back room and a number of those pieces sold, so clearly none of the work was shortchanged by the staff. My work can be tricky to light, because of the rather shiny surface, but they hung each piece at just the right height and with the correct angle of light on them. And no bulbs were burnt out. I suspect they would have been horrified if there had been a bulb out at an opening, unlike a few other galleries I have showed at in the past. Each piece had a number next to it on the wall, rather than a label with the title, etc., and the corresponding information were in a price list, a few of which were on a table, along with an essay (which I will post later) about me. I was formally introduced to everyone that was interested in meeting me and left to chat with them. Normally I feel sort of of awkward and shy when meeting new people, but somehow I don't feel that way at the openings. I guess talking continually about how I work, how I prepare the painting surface, choose my images and colors, and discussing the area where we live makes me comfortable. It's all about me, baby!

I have put together a few openings myself, and I understand and appreciate how much goes into putting them together. It's a lot of work, an art form really, but should look like it's not. The Harrison Gallery accomplishes that perfectly and I am incredibly giddy pleased about working with them.

Opening Reception

The opening reception at The Harrison Gallery on Saturday night was awesome! There wasn't a huge crowd, but nearly everyone who came was there to meet me. And they all seemingly bought a painting or already owned one or more. One couple bought four! By the end of the evening the sales count was at eleven. Several pieces, including Red Gambrel (above), were sold before the opening. Doug and I were a bit giddy on the way home!

This is all very exciting, of course, but it is also the kind of stuff that messes with my head. Everyone was very complimentary about my work and while such feedback is great, if I start thinking how fab I am, my work really suffers. I will think every mark I make is the best, when in reality they aren't always, and I need to be able to see that.

So I indulged myself a bit last night with a satisfied feeling of pride and accomplishment, plus a little grandiosity thrown in, but today I have to shovel out the chicken crap from the hen house while it is relatively warm and then get right back to painting tomorrow. The Harrison Gallery wants larger scale paintings for their inventory before I leave for Vermont next month!

Woo-hoo!!! (Sorry, just a bit more self-indulgence, couldn't help myself:))

Inspiration!

Thursday was a very nice relaxed day for me and I thoroughly enjoyed having the house to myself (kids at school, Doug in the city). Um, you know, so I could do laundry and clean with MY music blaring throughout the house.

Surprisingly though, what I really wanted to do was to paint. Usually I feel like a limp dishrag for at least a few days after I ship or deliver work for a show and I generally take some time off before getting back to work. But seeing my work all spread out at the gallery on Wednesday inspired me to get right back to it. It all looked awesome together! The process of painting for this show had been filled with stops and starts, not to mention a few gaps filled with work from another show. And even though I always spread the work out and look at it as a group for a show beforehand, strangely, this time it didn't even cross my mind to do that. So I was pretty lucky that it worked out.

Anyway, after seeing everything and having a (positive) conversation with the gallery director on Wednesday about the larger paintings I felt really excited about starting a few more. I forced myself to take one day and clean up so that I wouldn't be distracted by that, OR grossed out by the condition of our downstairs bathroom, and then this morning I spent a few hours doing two underpaintings, both sized 30x40. I would have liked to do a few more but I had a hair appointment, which frankly, takes precedent. Heh. Maybe I'll do a few more on Sunday.

That is unless, the opening tomorrow sends me into Post Show Meltdown, of course.

Delivery To Williamstown

Today, Doug and I are driving to Williamstown, MA, in order to deliver my work to The Harrison Gallery. I always enjoy these trips. I am usually filled with relief to be done with everything, for the moment anyway, and when Doug comes with, we always enjoy having a few hours of uninterrupted conversation,

The painting that I have posted today is one that I am very happy with and if we had more wall space I might consider keeping it. But we don't, so I am not and so it will be included in the show. Anyway, it's a big panel and the whole thing, start to finish, just burst right out of me. I can't explain it any better than that. I like the colors, the tree and I don't know what made me do it, but I especially love the blue at the horizon line on the left side. It's quite different than how I usually resolve those areas. And now, as is my habit, I will probably do that in every painting I do until Doug shakes me and tells me to stop!

So if you are anywhere close to the Berkshires this weekend, please come by the opening on Saturday, January 5, 5-7pm to see this fab painting for yourself, and/or to meet me and Doug. Or if you feel a bit shy about that, at least visit the gallery sometime in January, the show will be up until January 31st.

Oh, and I came across this article about the show. I think it is a press release from the gallery as much of it comes from my artist statement. Not the adjective "passionate" though. While I love to hear my work described as that I think my face would turn beet red if I ever described my own work as passionate!

Resolutions (vs Reality)

Comfort, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x9

Last year I publicly announced a list of New Year's resolutions. I was sure that if I said them out loud I would be more likely to accomplish them. HA!

I am listing my resolutions for 2007. What actually happened is in italics after each item.

1. Organize and then KEEP my desk and paperwork up to date.

Not even close. I still have not filled out an inventory sheet for most of the paintings that I did in 2006, let alone 2007. I do have all the info in various place on my computer, but have I even backed that up? No. I will be renewing this resolution for 2008.

2. Keep my studio clean and tidy.

Ha again! I did what I usually do-clean it thoroughly, then let it get so messy that I can barely get to the easel. Right now it is very tidy though, and I am loving it.

3. More studio time, less computer time.

Double ha! I totally spent way too much time on the computer in 2007, however I did get rid of the sore elbow that I had last year, by switching the use of my mouse to my left hand. It took some doing to get used to that but I figure I have at least another year of daily use before the radiating pain begins in my left elbow.

4. Attend weekly figure drawing sessions at the local art association, even though the models are usually clothed rather than unclothed and even though it's on one of my favorite TV nights.

I went once in January and once last fall. A spectacular failure.

5. Develop new imagery for my oils.

I started to work on some different things last January but then I got really busy with the landscape work again and so experimenting fell by the wayside. I feel sad about this but I was pleased with how my landscape and barn work evolved, so I am not too bent out of shape here.

6. Pull out some of the 7 million pastels sticks that I have (that are hidden from my kids who LOVE sidewalk chalk, if you get my drift) and play around with them a bit, without worrying about the following:

a). how to store the pieces
b). how to frame them or
c). how good they are OR
d). how bad they are and
e). whether the galleries will want to show them or not.

My pastels are in exactly the same spot as last year. Again, I didn't have enough time or energy to experiment and the thought of confronting a,b,c,d,e, was too overwhelming.

7. Work on getting some coverage in publications such as The Artist's Magazine.

Didn't even lift a finger here.

8. Update my info and start sending my packets out again to galleries in cities such as NYC and Boston.

Or here. Well, that isn't quite true. I did email the link to my website to a gallery in NYC, who now shows (and sells) my work. So technically I did lift a finger after I hit send. Does that count?

9. Save as much money as I can, in order to pay for a new building for my studio in 2008.

I did save a little bit, but because of our personal expenses (like having the house painted and property taxes) I didn't save as much as I could have otherwise, However, just being able to write that sentence is monumental and I am proud of it. I went for a dozen years with a big fat zero in my earnings column on our tax return and to now be able to claim a real income, let alone being able to pay for something like a new roof or paint job makes me feel a bit teary eyed. However, a new studio will have to wait until 2009.

10. Um, earn more money for #9.

This one I accomplished!!! My income for 2007 was a respectable number, especially for an artist, and it was a 70% increase over my income in 2006. I was hoping for a 20% increase so more than that was just icing on the cake.

With the notable exception of #10, I think I can safely say that my resolution list was pretty much a bomb. But that's ok. I didn't really feel tied to those goals, especially since I had so many positive things happening, things that kept me accomplishing those specific items, but allowed me to achieve things I hadn't really thought about yet.

These are some of the things that I did do last year:

1. My badly kept records (I can keep track by how many jpegs I have made) indicate that I painted about 170 paintings in 2007. About two dozen of those are currently in the inventory of the galleries that represent me, I have a few pieces here in my own inventory, plus the 23 pieces for the show at The Harrison Gallery. Which means that...

2. I sold 111 paintings in 2007!! A few less than in 2006 (114 that year), but....

3. 2007 was the year I painted big! I did 16 paintings that were 24x36 or larger (that's big to me) and working that large was a challenge to me in every way. And all of them have been sold so I guess it was a good direction to take.

4. I had 4 solo shows and participated in 5 group shows.

5. I donated 3 paintings to local fundraisers.

6. I applied for and was accepted to the Vermont Studio Center for a one month artist residency.

7. I read too many books to list, not as many as I would have liked, but more than I have been able to read in the past few years.

8. I raised 8 new baby chicks, saved them from being killed by the older hens, and we are now enjoying their eggs each day.

9. I knitted 5 scarves and one sweater. Again, less than I used to do, but more than I have been able to do lately.

10. I traveled more than usual. I went to New Mexico (twice), Atlanta, spent a few weekends in NYC with Doug, and had a week long family vacation in New Hampshire.

11. I was able to spend some time with my mom before she died last August, and am now happy to have my sister back in my life.

12. And my best accomplishment was keeping the kids, household and husband on track for another year.

These things were so much more meaningful and important to me than the resolutions I had made. But, because I am an idiot, I will extend the 2007 resolutions for another year and see what happens. Maybe I'll end up with a museum show. Or a field of sheep. Or a new baby. heh.

I shouldn't even joke about that last one.

Happy New Year! (plus a chicken update)

Neighboring Pond, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10

Been meaning to post for a few days, but to be honest I have been enjoying some time off from the computer, and from trying to think of some fascinating and witty things to write about. Heh.

We have all just been hanging around the house, staying up late, sleeping in (well, late for me is 7am, for everyone else it is 10am!) doing jigsaw puzzles and playing with our new toys. By the way I love doing jigsaw puzzles. I only do them once a year, usually around or just after the holidays. I would love to do them more often, but I feel guilty thinking of all the other things I should be doing. So I allow myself a few weeks in the winter. It's definitely an activity where the process is why I do it, the finished images are usually quite a letdown. Even the nice ones still look, well, they still look like a jigsaw puzzle when they are done.

Oh and I have a really thrilling chicken update. We have already had quite a bit of snow and cold weather this winter so the chickens have been pretty cooped up, not even able to leave their hen house let alone their little yard. The last few days have been milder and they have been outside, so I have been able to get a good look at them. The other day I noticed that one of them had blood all over her bottom, just dripping out of her vent (where the eggs come out of). And when there is blood chickens turn into cannibals! She had a line of chickens following her, pecking at her bottom, making it worse. So she is temporarily living in our garage until she heals up. Then yesterday, I noticed that our Naked Neck chicken had a big laceration on her chest, with stuff coming out, (it's like a bad movie, seeing that). She was acting fine, walking around, eating, etc, but today I noticed that it is bleeding a bit and she is now being followed around by the "peckers". So I guess she will also be a guest in our garage as well, but I have no idea what to do about that injury. I think she needs stitches! And Doug thinks I am crazy to even consider taking her to the vet. I guess we'll see if the cut heals up on it's own (doubtful as it is gaping open), otherwise I guess we may have to euthanize-especially if more stuff comes out.

Ewww!

And on that lovely note, I wish you all a Happy New Year! I suspect I will be sleeping when the big moment comes, unlike when I was young and chose to party in a bar all night. But I hope that at least a few of you out there will be doing something fun on New Year's Eve!

New Books

Wrap Around, 2007, Oil on Panel, 18x24

Today I am basking in the glow of a very lovely last few days with my family. Our time was spent finishing the stupid Christmas puzzle, watching silly movies, wrapping gifts, baking (I ate way too many frosted sugar cookies, bad girl!) and just hanging out.

My studio was quiet and nearly forgotten, poor thing. But my fabulous husband gave me two books which will ease me back into work over the next few days. One was a book about Monet, which is quite different than the other book of his work that I have. This one shows the details of his business-sales records, receipts, influences, travels, personal papers like letters and photographs, it is so amazing to see those items and it's good to be reminded that even artists like Monet had to deal the with the more humdrum things like paperwork.

The other is a wonderful book about Richard Diebenkorn. I have been a fan of his work and am now especially interested in his figurative work as I am thinking that I will be focusing on that while I am at the Vermont Studio Center in February. Anyway, this book describes his background and the images of his work are just amazing.

And for my birthday a few weeks ago, Doug gave me a book of etchings, mostly portraits, by Lucian Freud. It too has been very inspiring, if a bit disturbing. Which I love, by the way.

I have another laid back day ahead of me, although I do plan to putter around in the studio a bit. Even though I am finished painting, I do need to paint the panel cradles and put hangers on about ten pieces. And as I have now learned from Monet, there is always the paperwork to do.

Done

Flatland, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10

I was assuming that I would be working pretty much through Christmas and right up until I have to deliver everything to the gallery in the first few days of January. However, after looking at my list of finished pieces I think I can safely say I am done! Yayyy! I guess I was in such a painting frenzy that I lost track of where I was. And there have been so many interruptions to my studio time, I just assumed that I hadn't gotten enough work done. I had four pieces finished before I got sick in November, plus seven that were at the underpainting stage. In the last three weeks, I finished those seven, plus eight more, including a 36x48 piece. So all of those, plus four that came back from another show and which fit in perfectly with the new group gives me a very healthy twenty three paintings for a solo show. I am tempted to do one more large landscape as I feel the group is a bit heavy on barns, but that might just be showing off. Heh.

It's good to know that I can pull together enough work for a show in a month but I do need to make an effort to NOT cut it quite so close, because things can happen (like pneumonia) to throw me off. On the other hand, I work better and can create a more cohesive group of paintings if I do everything that I can in a mad rush of creativity and energy. So a balance must be achieved, with work and life.

The One Where I Keep Plugging Away

My Blue Barn, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x9

Well, I think that posts may be a bit more infrequent here in the next few weeks. Everything is converging in the next week; the holidays, finishing up the work for January's show plus a myriad of other activities such as holiday chorus concerts and plays, mundane but necessary paperwork, and putting together the dang family holiday card! At this point I will just be happy if I can get the stupid things postmarked by the 24th. Of course, WE have received many holiday cards from people who are either super organized or who have nothing else to do in November but to mail out their cards. Heh. Anyway, I humbly bow down to all of those people.

However, this is the second year that I have had a solo show scheduled for January and while at first I wasn't too thrilled about the fact that I would have to work pretty hard well into December, there is also a silver lining to that. It has forced me (and our family) to simplify our holidays quite a bit. There is less time for shopping for things that the kids don't really need (or will even look at within a month), I have learned to hand over decorating the tree to the kids, who fully enjoy that process and although I like putting lights up on our porch, in the last two years I have found that Christmas still comes whether they are up or not.

The activities we have kept up with are the ones we all can pitch in and do; baking, making gifts, wrapping them, attending the concerts and other activities and cleaning the house. Well, maybe not that last one so much, but if there is ever a shot that I can get the kids to pick up their stuff without asking twice, it is now.

And while the ever increasing commercialism and consumerism makes me more uncomfortable each year, it has not escaped my attention that both Doug and I are totally contributing to it by creating things that are intended for sale. I am not sure I can ever fully reconcile those opposing beliefs, but I hope that by simplifying our lives we can somewhat offset what we do for a living.

It's the best I can do right now.

Open House

Farm Structures, 2007, Oil on Panel, 12x16

I have had a busy few days which is why I haven't posted since last week. Despite the fact that I am frantically trying to finish up work for my show in January, and still have much to do to get ready for the holidays, oh like, you know, go shopping for gifts for the kids, Doug and I decided to have some people over for a bit of a holiday thing. Since I lost three days in the studio, this decision proves that I could be somewhat unbalanced. Heh.

I spent all day last Thursday, cleaning out my studio (everyone likes to see my studio) and sorting through a lot of junk and also through what seemed liked a million paintings that have come back, unsold, from various galleries. I learned that the world will not stop rotating if I throw a few lousy paintings into the garbage. We also cleaned the house. Well the downstairs anyway.


Friday, I did some baking, while Doug shoveled the driveway, by hand, because naturally we had had a good snowstorm on Thursday and we have been really lame about buying a snowblower or hiring someone to plow us out whenever it snows.

Saturday was a really enjoyable day, with many visitors, a warm fire, food, drink and the occasional embarrassing song playing through the stereo on my ipod (I confess to owning more than a few one hit wonders from the seventies), and I even sold a few of the paintings that had been returned from the galleries and were sitting around waiting for "their people" to find them. I was exhausted after all of this so it was lucky that we had yet another snowstorm on Sunday and I didn't have to actually go anywhere. The girls and I worked on a really tacky Christmas themed jigsaw puzzle all day.

Thanks to everyone for coming by, it was fun!

PS. I am also exceedingly happy to now have a clean studio to get back to work in. There are actually empty surfaces!

Tagged 2x

Opening, 2007, Oil on Panel, 5x7
Natalya tagged me way back in October and what with all the illness going on around here, I plumb forgot to do a post listing five things about myself. And then Stephen Magsig tagged me the other day. I don't normally like getting tagged however, post topics have been a bit harder to come by lately so so I figured what the heck. Although I am struggling to find five things that I haven't already disclosed here, I am going to give it a shot. Oh and I know I am cheating by condensing two tags into one. So sue me.

1. I absolutely hate cucumbers! Doug and I have been together long enough to have a system though, whenever I get a salad in a restaurant that has any cucumbers on it, he immediately removes them AND the surrounding items, because the flavor of what you hate always migrates.

2. I have the ability to make my shoulder blades protrude several inches out of my back. This was an excellent thing to do to impress the boys at the bar back in my younger days. And I have passed this talent on to two of my kids. They are so lucky. Heh.

3. I hated my hometown (Rochester, MN) so much that I moved to Minneapolis within days of graduating from high school. It was a good move to get away, however ironically, after living in all kinds of different places, we have settled in a town that is pretty much a smaller version of Rochester.

4. This one is a real shocker: I have always for as long as I can remember, wanted to be an artist. I have had a few other interests along the way; writing, working with handicapped people, and have had a few detours, most notably motherhood, but wanting to paint has always been a part of me. Well, that and being able to belt it out like Janis Joplin on stage!

5. Even though it's been 22 years, whenever I see the scene near the end of the movie Witness where the little boy rings the bell and all of the Amish neighbors come to help, I cry. Every. Single. Time. In fact that is the sort of thing that almost always makes me cry, is seeing or reading about people helping each other.

Ok, that's it. And now for the really hard part, tagging others.

Nat Dickinson
Kesha Bruce
Sheree Rensel
Angela Rockett
Gary Rith

I apologize in advance if any of you have been tagged recently, or if you prefer not to participate. Believe you me, I understand.

Cracked Ice

Road to Nowhere, 2007, Oil on Panel, 12x16

A lovely cozy day around the house today. We had an ice storm last night, so no school for the kids. Everyone is working on various projects and Doug and I are even getting some work done. It's incredibly beautiful outside, but treacherous too. I went out to tend the chickens and as I slid across the road and over the snow it cracked under my feet like ice on a lake. Our pathetic little sledding hill has transformed into a major speedway and we have had at least one (minor) injury there today.

I suppose someone should go out and shovel or something but sitting by the fireplace is just too perfect today and so we will just hope the temperature will go up just enough to make slush by tomorrow. Don't have to feel guilty about a driveway full of slush.

A Story About One of the Things I am Reminded of Each Year on My Birthday

When I was in third grade I was totally in love with Donny Osmond. He was cute, happy and could sing and dance, plus his favorite color (purple) was my favorite color. But the thing that really tied us together was the fact that our birthdays were just days apart. Mine is December 6 (today) while his is December 9. Somehow that seemed really meaningful. What can I say? I was desperately looking for connections.

Anyway, my friend Katie and I sent letters to him (including our school photos) where I highlighted our special bond. She received a response (probably a form letter) AND a signed publicity photo. I got nothing and I was so devastated. Now I know that the responses were probably totally random but at the time I was sure that Katie got a letter back because she was a beautiful girl, while I was, well I wasn't.

My crush on Donny ended (painfully) and I moved on to Leif Garrett, Shaun Cassidy and then eventually on to a few real life (and also unattainable) boys.

Years passed, poor Donny became a joke and my life got worse, then better. I met Doug and then Donny released an album in 1989 that I really liked and it served as a pretty good comeback for him. He did a tour and in an interesting twist of fate, did a concert in Philadelphia in 1989, on my birthday. I told Doug that THAT was what I wanted to do for my birthday and because he was totally in love with me, we went. I should add here that Doug used to follow the Dead around in the 70's and actively eschewed popular culture. So it was a big deal for him to go to this concert and he got a lot of ribbing from his friends.

But the concert was great! Even Doug admitted it and I was a bit surprised myself. Donny had a really funky band, with a killer back up singer, he made fun of himself (he sang a kind of hip hop version of One Bad Apple and then stopped in the middle, said "No" and began a new song) and he was very engaging as a performer. I forgave him that night for the letter incident in third grade, although I didn't go so far as to stand down in front, jump up and down while holding an I Love You sign, screaming "Donny, Donny" like some women did. I am not that kind of girl.

Life went on. Donny found new success performing in musicals and eventually, in another interesting twist of fate, Doug and I moved to Utah, home to the Osmond family, including Donny! Wow! Actually, I didn't really care but it did seem mildly ironic at the time.

Donny and I had one more connection (unbeknownst to him, of course) in Utah. Around 1999 or so, Doug found himself standing next to Donny in a line at the Salt Lake City airport. They chatted a bit (Doug is very personable) and Doug mentioned that I had been a fan of his back in the 70's and that we had also seen him perform in 1989. He was just getting around to asking for an autograph for me when a woman came up to them and began to talk excitedly to Donny, then proceeded to nearly hyperventilate. Doug said that my Donny was very kind to her, helped her calm down, and signed some autographs. Doug politely bowed out of the mayhem and I missed out again.

This time it didn't sting at all, although an autograph would have been an appropriate ending to our my story. Even though Donny and I were never meant to be, the third grader in me still thinks that there still might be a chance and I am reminded of that each year on "our" birthdays.....

On Track Again

Snowy Hill, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x12

Well, I have been very productive in the studio this week, despite my nervousness at getting back to painting. I have (nearly) finished a few very small ones, 5x7 or so, three 12x16 panels, and one 12x16 that looks a bit iffy. There is always at least one spoilsport.

Today, Doug went down to the city for the first time in several weeks and I enjoyed having the house to myself. I wasted time worked on the computer for a bit and then made some blueberry muffins. Finally around noon I got to work and I actually got quite a bit done this afternoon. I put color down on six more pieces, four 9x9's, one 16x20 and one 18x24. They all looked pretty good after the first pass, although I will have to double check that tomorrow!

So I am feeling pretty good about having enough mid-size pieces ready for the show in January. Next week I will start on a few larger sized paintings, 24x36 and up.

This evening I had to go pick up two of the kids at the local sports center. No big deal, I do it almost everyday. Except that I haven't been doing it for awhile. I haven't driven a car for about three weeks and I confess to feeling a bit mixed up when I got into the driver's seat. And to top it all off, the roads are really bad here! We have had quite a bit of snow and ice over the last few days and even with my 4 wheel drive I was worried about sliding off the road. I drove like an old lady though and even though it took forever, we all got home safely.

Next up: getting back to my daily walk. Not that I was actually doing it daily before I got sick, but you know, it's always a goal. Heh.

It's My Obsession

Pay It Forward Images, 2007, Oil on Panel, each are 4"x6"

Mixed in with the last batch of work I did before I got sick several weeks ago, were the paintings for the Pay It Forward project. I figured I better get them done right away otherwise I'd be freaking out trying to get them out next year at this time! Of course it may take me that long to get it together to get them shipped out anyway.

I decided to go with one of the images that I have been obsessing about for the last few years-one that I have now painted in nearly every size, from 48"x60" to 4"x6". I am very happy with how these turned out, and now I have all kinds of ideas about what to do next with this image.

My obsession is not over yet.

Back To It

Drive Through, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10

Today was pretty much a normal day. I did the chicken chores (in a snowstorm), I sat at my computer most of the morning (not exactly what I should be doing, but a completely normal manner of procrastination before I was sick), worked in the studio in the afternoon, plus I made dinner and did a few loads of laundry. I can't say that I am full of energy or anything, but I am feeling pretty good finally.

An interesting thing though about getting back to work. I worked for a few hours on Sunday afternoon doing some underpaintings, first time back in three weeks, and it was tough! I was nervous at first, my hands were actually shaking and it took me awhile to get into a groove. I was close to it towards the end however, and even though I didn't have the usual exhilaration that I normally have after starting a bunch of underpaintings, I felt pleased. And relieved. Today, I started with color on some underpaintings that I did before I got sick and it was the same thing. Nervous then I gradually settled in. I think tomorrow will be better. And the work I accomplished was good.

I have found that going back to work after something happens (like after my mom died) is surprisingly difficult, maybe because that is when I really want and need the comfort of painting. Going back to work after taking an extended regular old break isn't quite so tough and isn't so emotionally challenging. Everything looks different after an event that keeps me away from work and perhaps the desperation to go back to the familiar skews all of it. Ultimately, though I am not worried. There is always something to be gained from life's experiences, even if it takes awhile to figure out what the lesson is. In the meantime, my discipline will carry the day.

I am still going to go to bed early tonight though.

Incrementally Better Today

The Farm Up the Hill, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10

Well, I have been spending my days resting. Or trying to. I do actually nap a bit during the day, mostly because I wake at night because of the cough. Even though I don't consider myself to be a high energy person, just sitting around all day is really hard for me. So I still get up every so often and do some small chore, just to keep moving a bit. I did catch up on some paperwork yesterday, in bed, while watching TV, so that made me feel somewhat productive. And I have been able to get in some reading and knitting into my busy schedule.

I am trying NOT to think about how screwed I am if I can't back to the studio next week.

Oh and I have been meaning to recommend a new blog that I have been interested in lately. Sustainability is an important topic these days and I think it's great that artists are taking it on as well. I am very careful about the waste generated from my work, as well as recycling and using more natural products whenever possible. I will talk about the specifics of all that in a future post.

And When Bad News is Bad (Or Could Be Worse)

Long Row, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x18

So it turns out that even if one considers oneself to be healthy, meaning that one seldom gets sick with colds or flu or stomach bugs, or eats organic foods, drinks only water and doesn't smoke or take drugs, and exercises (though maybe not as much as one should) that doesn't actually mean one will NEVER get hit with a double whammy flu/pneumonia combination.

I was starting to feel better over the weekend, but just a bit, not as much as I should have at that point. But still no new symptoms, just the cough and being tired. But then Monday evening I was REALLY wiped out and also noticed that my breathing had changed. Short and shallow breaths, just after walking from one room to another. And that was my sign to go in and get checked out for pneumonia, which despite having so few of the symptoms, was pretty much number one on the list of why I was not feeling better.

So today, Doug took me in and after a lot of sitting around, a few tests and a shiny new chest x-ray, I officially have bacterial pneumonia in my left lung, treatable with an antibiotic that will probably suck out my intestines unless I take my acidophilus and bifidobacterium along with it. I have decided to stick with my natural stuff anyway. Because maybe without all of that, I'd be much worse off than I am now.

Looks like I will have at least a few more days of enforced time off from the studio, after which I will have to really kick butt to catch up for the show in January. But I am not going to think about that right now - I am just going to enjoy resting for just a bit more, even if it is starting to drive me nuts. Well, not the being waited on part or handing over all chores and chauffeuring duties to Doug, that part is just fine. Heh.

Good News is Always Good

Farmland, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x18

I received some good news while sitting here at my desk all day, patiently waiting for my energy to return. Heh.

Turns out the client who wanted a same size piece to go along with a painting she had bought, decided that she liked all of the three options that I gave her and will be buying all of them. Holy cow! I was worried that she wouldn't like any of them and that I'd have to go back and do a few more!

Luckily, I got them all finished up and put together before I got sick and all I have to do today is do the paperwork, pack them up and ship them out.

The piece below is the first one that the client bought, the one above is one of the new ones. I am really liking working with this long rectangular 9x18. It has nice proportions and still qualifies as small and affordable.


Long Field with Tree, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x18

A Happy Thanksgiving Anyway

We have a dorky shot like this of Doug and a turkey each year for the last 13 years or so.

On Monday and Tuesday, I spoke way too soon about feeling better and having a milder version of this illness than my son had last month. I really should know better then to talk like that!

I did have a few moments where I felt like I might be getting better but mostly I felt even worse over the last few days. The intense cough kept me up each night no matter how many tricks I tried to soften it or even ignore it. Each morning I felt ok, and would get up and take a shower but by noon or so I'd have a fever which would last into the evening. I was getting seriously bummed out about all of this as Thanksgiving got closer and I realized that I wouldn't be able to do much of, if any of the cooking or other preparations. But Doug, my own personal saint, stepped in and took care of everything. He ran to the store twice for last minute supplies, he cleaned and he cooked each and every dish. He made the pies (his first ever), all of the side dishes and the turkey (normally he does the turkey and the potatoes and I do everything else). Ok, I supervised him just a bit from my chair in the kitchen, but still he cooked and eventually washed every single dish, piece of silverware, pot and pan in this house by the end of the day. And he said he enjoyed it. I am feeling a bit teary eyed thinking about it.

The kids helped out too, they did a lot of cleaning and waiting on me hand and foot and no complaining either. Dinner was lovely, eaten by candlelight in our beautiful (and seldom used) dining room. There was something that appealed to everyone, even the pickiest eaters, and despite not having an appetite at all for over a week, I managed a few bites. The evening ending with everyone showing off their own particular tricks, double jointed thumbs, shoulder blades that pop out, etc and we all oohed and aahed.

I am incredibly grateful to have such a wonderful husband who never once complained about all the unexpected work for him and not only that, was concerned about how I felt all day too. I am so lucky to have him and our amazing kids, to finally have a close family, one without issues and undercurrents.

So without messing things up for myself again, I am not going to say how I feel today. However I will say that I am puttering around in the studio AND am not hawking up quite as much crud as yesterday. You can draw your own conclusions from that. Heh.

Same As It Ever Was

Sloping Field, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x18

Well, today is pretty much the same as yesterday. I am ok, but still wiped out and haven't had the energy to venture into the studio. I think I will wait until Friday and start slowly, with puttering. There is always plenty of that to do. Plus the kids will be home and that will guarantee that I won't be able to do anything really productive.

Last week before I understood that I was sick, not just lazy, I did manage to get a few pieces done, including three options for a client interested in a "sort of" commission. They all turned out nicely, even if I don't specifically recall painting them. Now I can see what a haze I was in last week.

I have posted one of them today and will post the others soon.

A Miss After All

Winter Light, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x12

Well, folks, turns out I was too sick after all to make it to my own opening in Pittsburgh, for a show that has been on my calendar for over two years, yes, two years.

I really thought I was better, and had nearly convinced myself of that during the 2 hour drive to the airport and while standing in the security lines. But when Doug and I were in the bookstore, it really hit me-I felt awful. When I moved my eyes everything wiggled and I was pretty sure I had a fever (I did, it was 101.9). So Doug got our bag back, canceled everything and we drove back home.

I felt horrible about missing the opening, I worried about how the gallery had put so much time and energy into setting up the show and publicizing it and how it felt like such a faux pas that I had committed. Of course the gallery director was very nice and understanding when Doug called her to explain (I was practically hallucinating by then) but still this is new territory for me and I reserve the right to feel guilty anyway. But by Friday evening I didn't care, I was worried about survival! And at around 7pm on Saturday, during the opening, I was crawling around my bedroom trying to get into bed so that I could assume the fetal position and die. So I guess it was good I didn't go, right?

Anyway, today I am feeling much better. I still have a very irritating cough and not much energy, but I am not seeing things anymore, my temperature has been normal since last night and the part in my hair doesn't hurt as much either (I am not even kidding, the area around the part of my hair was incredibly painful and sensitive. I kept thinking it would go away if I made a new part on the other side but I couldn't bear the thought of doing that either). Doug took care of everything while I was out of it and the kids have been very helpful towards me. I plan to milk that for at least another week or so. The other benefits from this enforced time off was, well having time off, which I suspect I needed (the body is very intuitive) and I lost a few pounds plus was able to kick my sugar habit in one fell swoop.

There is always a bright side.

A Near Miss

Head on View, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10

I seldom get sick anymore. The last time I had a fever/flu (I don't do flu shots) was about 12 years ago and it's been almost three years since I have had a cold. So when I began to feel funny a few days ago I didn't pay any attention to it at all, just thinking I was tired. But Wednesday night I started having chills and sweats, coughing and had a low fever.

While trying to sleep that night, I worried about the timing of this. Months ago, I had made all of the travel arrangements for this weekend's trip to Pittsburgh for the solo show opening reception and the way I felt on Wednesday, I was pretty sure that I would not be able to go. The thought of getting on an airplane seemed downright painful.

BUT, on Thursday I didn't feel worse and in fact after taking it easy all day and loading up on tea and Vitamin C, I felt much better last night. So even though I don't feel 100% Doug and I are going to leave this afternoon after all.

When it was looking like I wouldn't be going, I felt really bad about the thought of missing it. I mean, if you're sick you are sick and standing around talking and shaking hands with people isn't a great idea, but I feel a lot of self induced pressure to be at the openings, especially the receptions for a solo show. I feel grateful to the galleries that are giving me these exhibition opportunities and the best way that I can support their efforts, besides supplying fab work, is to be at the openings.

This does raise an interesting issue though. How to handle last minute situations that arise right before an opening or event? When I started all of this I often had "anxiety" dreams, where I would dream that I simply forgot to go to the event. As if! Things do come up though and I guess I have been lucky so far that nothing in my personal life has interfered with the art stuff.

The painting I have posted today is one that will be on display in the show at Boxheart (the opening is this Saturday, November 17, 6-9pm, for those of you who may live in the area) and I wanted to mention that it's an unusual painting for me in the sense that it is a straightforward view of a barn. I have tried these sorts of views and compositions before but they have always failed miserably. They just look extremely flat and static, so I usually add a little tilt or change the angle slightly. For some reason, however, this one just worked, in fact it's one that just painted itself.

Keep On Keeping On

The Back Field, 2007, Oil on Panel, 12x16

The first three comments on last week's Pay It Forward post were from Lisa, Angela, and Mary Ann/Indigomar and I have already included some small scale paintings into my last batch of work to send out to each of them. I also had plenty of comments on this and private emails from readers saying that they really liked the concept of this project, and now I wish I had taken credit for coming up with it!

So please visit these blogs and keep an eye out for their offer and participate in order to keep this thing going. If you are concerned about giving your art away, don't forget that it doesn't have to be the work that you would otherwise sell. Older work qualifies, as well as anything handmade, small and even experimental. I have decided to send out paintings only because a. that's all I seem to do anymore and b. I just got all of these really cute little panels and this is the perfect chance to do something productive with them other then letting them clutter up my studio.

PLUS, the holidays are coming and the piece of art you get may be a great gift for a friend or family member.

The Perils of Napping

Seven, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10

On Saturday I received word that all of my work arrived safely in Pittsburgh. Hearing this was a relief. I have never had any damage to my work in transit, but you never know, and I have heard enough shipping horror stories to not take a safe arrival for granted.

We had a fairly busy weekend, which included a very long swim meet and going to the local high school's production of Beauty and the Beast (it was awesome, yet somewhat excruciating as well) on Saturday evening, not to mention random chores and errands. I did one thing this weekend though, that I haven't done is many years. Saturday afternoon, I sat down in a chair next to the fireplace, with a blanket, a cat on my lap and a book with the intent of taking a nice nap. Of course the very minute I did that, 3 out of 4 of my kids had some sort of pressing question that couldn't wait. I finally managed to doze for about 5 minutes then our 60-ish, incredibly active, neighbors stopped by while taking their daily three mile walk. I immediately explained that I never nap, or even sit down and read a book during the day, but I don't think they believed me.

On Sunday I worked in my studio most of the day just to show off. Of course no one paid any attention to me that day at all. Typical.

Pay It Forward

Pink Bookends, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10

Last week I was lucky enough to receive a beautiful painting from Mary Klein. I caught her post about a project called Pay It Forward, and since I was on my toes that day, I immediately left a comment and voila! I have a new addition to our art collection. And don't get me started how perfectly it was packed, I have a complex now about the fact that I simply wrap my paintings in bubble wrap, (secondhand sometimes!) toss it in a box and ship it. Hers involved typed information, layers of cardboard and velvet, and a fitted nest for the panel. Clearly, I am not worthy. Heh.

Anyhoo, in exchange for her gift I have promised to continue this project. Here are the rules for Pay It Forward (via Mary, via Deanna, etc):

I will send a handmade gift (in my case I can specify that it WILL be a painting, probably a very small one, but a real live painting nonetheless) to the first 3 people who leave a comment on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don’t know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog.

When you leave your comment, please also do one of two things: leave your post address or e-mail it to me.

I am usually a humbug about these sorts of internet things, getting tagged and all of that, but this one sounded fun, plus I get free art AND I get to yet again show off share my work.

Good luck!

This Week's To Do List

Autumn Scene, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10

Since Monday, I have been very busy putting the last touches on 25 paintings, doing the related paperwork and packing them up for shipment to Boxheart Gallery in Pittsburgh. The last batch is going out today but unfortunately I will not be taking a break, not even for a day. This is what I have to do this week:

1. Today I have to do some underpaintings today for a project that I am incredibly behind on. A friend of ours (he and Doug knew each in high school) and for the last two years he has purchased a painting from me in order to use the image on the holiday cards for his company. This year, I had trouble getting an appropriate image painted, because of my show schedule but Steve has been kind enough to push back the deadline to the last possible minute. I have until November 15 to do several winter themed paintings so that he can choose one for his card.

2. I have to prepare the panels (usually takes at least two days) for a "sort of" commission for a client that bought a horizontal 9x18 landscape. She would like another piece that is the same size, but has no specifications regarding the image. My favorite kind of commission! Again, with this project, I will do several paintings so that she can choose one that she likes.

3. On Thursday, I have to ship out four small paintings to Gallery 100 for their annual small works holiday show, "Significantly Small". I have two small flower paintings ready and I will include two water related pieces. I meant to do a few more flower paintings, but to be honest, they did not go well at all and now I don't have enough time to resolve them. Moral of the story: always have at least a few paintings on hand.

4. On Friday, I have to begin a whole new batch of paintings for a solo show at The Harrison Gallery in January, I'd like to get as much of the work done for this show as soon as I can so I won't have to be working too much around Christmas and during the kid's holiday vacation, like I did last year. Right.

Clearly, I have no time this week, or for the next two months for a proper post show meltdown. I will be ignoring all the signs of that this time and hopefully that won't backfire. Heh. Actually, I will be going to Pittsburgh next weekend for the opening at Boxheart and that will have to suffice as a break and/or brief breakdown.

Blogger Show Weekend

Brightness, 2007, Oil on Panel, 18x24

Well I meant to get this post up on Monday, however I had to get right to work Monday morning and that stretched into the whole day. No time to bask in the afterglow of our lovely weekend in NYC at all!

We left first thing Friday morning, but still managed to get to the city later than intended. I did a quick change at the hotel and Doug and I met up with Mary and her family (Mary is as nice in person as she is on her blog, and her family is wonderful) at Doug's showroom in Soho and then I dragged them off to my gallery a few doors down to show off view a few of my paintings. We chatted some more at the showroom and then had a quick dinner before they had to leave to catch a show. Doug and I went back to our room at the Soho Grand (I splurged, ok, I admit that I always splurge, I am very spoiled when it comes to hotels, so sue me) where were we watched tv and fell asleep by 10pm. Woo-hoo.

On Saturday I had hoped we would get down to Chelsea and visit a few galleries, but one of Doug's clients called and wanted to meet with him around noon. I decided to just walk around Soho, which is something I always enjoy doing and I visited all of my favorite little shops and galleries there. When I went back to the hotel there were a lot of paparazzi out front, they were there the whole weekend actually, but we never did find out who they were stalking looking for.

Finally we got to the opening and the first person we saw was Chris Rywalt, who gave me a big hug. While I am not really a hugger, I allowed this one (and actually I hugged and was hugged many times at this opening) because he wrote an awesome description about seeing my work for the first time and I was really feeling the love. Heh. I was very happy to meet his wife, Dawn, and I immediately liked her. Gradually I began to figure out who some of the other people were, after trying to connect blog photos with the real life in front of me and I have to say that I really got a kick out of introducing myself to people. I so enjoyed the recognition after I said my name (can you say shallow?), because it's so rare that anyone ever knows who I am. Anyway, I was pleased to be able to talk in person with so many of the people that I have read about over the last few years such as Sharon, Dan, Nancy, Stephanie, Susan, John, and my new best friend, Brent, who also said some nice things about my work and since I am easy, now I love him. Heh. A whole crowd of us went out for pizza after the opening ended and we all sat and chatted for hours. It was so much fun even if I did miss a few bloggers (Lisa, Steven, Martin) who couldn't make it to the opening.

Finally we all parted ways and Doug and I made our way back to the hotel. We decided to have a drink in the hotel lounge with all of the ultra cool, fashionable and thin people. We were perched seated at a tiny little table and chair set behind a couch with a couple on it who were making out about an inch away from my elbow. The music got noticeably louder every ten minutes and the only time we felt even remotely cool was when we told the (very cute) waiter that yes, we were staying at the hotel and please add the charge to our room. Oh and did I mention that we were by far the oldest people in the bar? We were.

On Sunday morning we had a great breakfast at a restaurant near the showroom and after buying a $27 dollar, 9 piece box of truffles with ingredients such as chili peppers, fennel, wasabi and paprika, for our babysitter, we headed home. While we were in the city, I was pretty sure I wanted to live there permanently, conveniently ignoring the financial ridiculousness of that ever happening. But all that was a distant fantasy once we got home to the farm, our kids, pets and near freezing temperatures.

Happy to go, happy to come back. Ain't that the way.

Thank you to John and Susan, and to everyone who helped organize and hang the show. It looked wonderful!

The One With All the Plugs

Quiet Country Intersection, 2007, Oil on Birch Panel, 12x24

Just a short hello and goodbye today. I have 97,693 things to do today before Doug and I leave for New York City tomorrow morning. And those things are a bit difficult because of the sugar coma I am currently suffering from. The kids really raked in the candy last night, which means Doug and I had ourselves a little candy party today after they left for school. We never learn.

Anyway, I am totally looking forward to our weekend in the city and have arranged to meet up with Mary and her husband for dinner on Friday. Saturday night is the opening for The Blogger Show, (at Agni Gallery, 170 East 2nd Street, Storefront #3, 6-9pm) and meeting the other bloggers in the show will surely be a lot of fun. Also, I hope that anybody out there who lives nearby will come to the opening and say hi to me.

And please, to anyone of the bloggers who are in town, or to readers who are coming in for the opening, please feel free to stop by Doug's showroom at 51 Wooster (oops and don't forget about my gallery, a few doors down, Multiple Impressions). We will be in and out of the store on Friday and Saturday, but if you miss us you can talk to Javier about the fossils that are on display. They are pretty amazing and worth a trip to Soho. In my completely unbiased opinion, of course. Heh.

I'll be back here on Monday, with a very wordy review of the weekend, I am sure.

Question of the Day

Soft Curves, 2007, Oil on Birch Panel, 16x20

Nat asked me an interesting question the other day in my comments section.

Does reading someone else's interpretation of your work change how you would think about it or talk about it?

I had a flip response ready (No, because no one ever writes about me, excepting these critiques of course.) but decided to hold off responding for a bit. And so for the last few days I have been thinking about whether I am, would be, or should be influenced by other's interpretations of my paintings.

I guess I could change how I think or especially, how I talk about my work because of a critique. And maybe I should, especially in some cases when the observations are incredibly perceptive. I certainly struggle with talking and describing my work in an in depth manner, mostly because I work so instinctively, so it sure would be nice to have some help. AND some new words.

Unfortunately though, those words and interpretations wouldn't be mine. They wouldn't be from my heart and I suspect they would not ring true if I were to say them. And I have to make a real effort NOT to think of what a reviewer may have said or will say, good or bad, while I am actually working or that will really throw me off and out of my zone.

So I guess the answer is a reluctant no.

BUT, the whole review/critique thing does give me some added confidence, at least if it's positive. If it were negative I would buck up and work harder. Or maybe I'd just take to my bed and only eat chocolate and potato chips. Heh. Either way, having someone consider my work so carefully does feel very gratifying and gives it a bit more meaning and affirmation.

Does that even make sense?

I Don't Get It

Cottage at 5pm, Oil on Birch Panel, 8x10

At the risk of being accused of jumping on the bandwagon, I thought I'd weigh in on Charlie Finch's recent comments concerning artblogs, along with Joanne Mattera, Pretty Lady, Steven LaRose, Brent Burket, Eric Gelber, Nancy Baker, and S.L. Butler. Alas, I can't respond directly to what he says about many of the artblogs that I enjoy reading, because, as usual, I am not in on whatever it is that he refers to. For example, he says this about Edward Winkleman:

Have you ever been to blogger Ed Winkleman’s gallery on 27th Street? I hear there is a valuable prize awaiting the first recorded visitor: you get to meet Dinky Winky in the flesh or at least register for a random drawing to win email privileges.

What does that mean, "register for a drawing to win email privileges"? I don't get why that is funny, or even insulting. Clearly, I am missing something here.

And that does not surprise me. I have never been popular, nor have I ever been a member in good standing of any kind of crowd and so consequently, I am usually unaware of the subtleties of so many in-jokes.

Which brings me to my other reaction upon reading this column: complete and utter devastation that I was not mentioned. I know I don't review art, which is probably his focus in reading blogs. And I have never insulted him like some bloggers have, I am a regular looking, middle aged (actually, maybe a bit past that on my more pessimistic days), female landscape painter, not showing in Chelsea. PLUS I have more than one kid AND I talk about my chickens (horrors) so obviously these things would not put my blog anywhere near his radar.

But still. I can't help but yearn for the attention, the increase in hits, and the outrage I could have felt by being included in a "circle-jerk", if only I had been mentioned by Charlie Finch.

My potential popularity has been foiled again. Damn.

It's a Good Review

Moody Fall Day, 2007, Oil on Birch Panel, 12x16

And so because I am completely self involved, I signed myself up for Google Alerts earlier this year. Whenever my name shows up somewhere I get an email and a link to the item. It's not always me; often I get links to other Helgesons, including a basketball player who seemingly kicks butt for Purdue based on how often I hear about her.

However, besides the alert for my own posts, I have also been getting a lot of alerts lately, mostly because of The Blogger Show and my upcoming show at Boxheart Gallery in Pittsburgh. Today a review came in regarding a few pieces that Boxheart has included in a group show, currently on display. I don't get reviews too often, so when I do, expect to hear me crow about it! It was a positive article regarding the show, the artists and he discusses one of my paintings (shown below) plus he made mention of my solo show in November.

Speaking of which, I am very busy trying to finish up the pieces for that. I have to work every day until next Friday, when Doug and I are leaving to spend the weekend in NYC. And when I get back, I will have to begin packing up and shipping all of the work out right away.

Yikes! I wasn't stressed at all until I just wrote that down....

First View of the Morning, 2006, Oil on Panel, 18x24