Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Baby Steps

Horizon Lines (Four), 2008, Oil on Panel, 4x4

By sheer force of will, I managed to get myself going again and get back to doing some creative and productive things this weekend. It wasn't easy and I am still not my usual self, but I am getting there.

I guess this sounds as if I were sick or had some horrible event however, that is not the case. I seem to be the kind of person who truly gets more done when I am overwhelmed with things that MUST be done. Show deadlines help me organize everything else and since I haven't had any of those I have been aimless. And it's not like I haven't had things to do. I have been so busy painting in the last few years that I let some things slide, like cleaning closets, drawers, the garage, the basement. Not to mention that I have done a terrible job keeping up with paperwork and record keeping, and even correspondence. In August I was given the gift of time to do these things and I just couldn't accept that gift.

But I have decided to try and give myself a break. I have had an incredible year, filled with so much activity and a few events that I will need time to adjust to. I had a great show at the beginning of the year, while on the verge of burnout, I went to a month long residency which I loved but also rocked me a bit. I moved my entire studio into the attic (not to mention that I first painted the walls during 90 degree early summer days) and even though I have prepared for one small show in it, the new studio hasn't really been tested yet and a breaking in period is probably still necessary. We did major physical work in the vegetable garden. My daughter became ill. Sales have slowed down and I am really feeling the urge to take my work in new directions which is somewhat frightening even if it is a good time to do so. So many things converging at once, but having nothing that HAD to be done was such a relief, I suppose.

Mostly importantly though, I haven't painted for well over a month, closer to two actually, and Doug thinks THAT is what is making me feel all crazy about all of this. He might be right.

So tomorrow, my goal is to be painting within a half hour of when my kids get on their bus. I do really need to get back to it.

Wish me luck.

12 comments:

Natalya said...

keeping my fingers crossed for you! i'll get the same opportunity Monday morning...

Diane Hoeptner (hep-ner) said...

Do it already!! (: You'll feel better, I promise.

Melody said...

You won't need it but "Good Luck"

Deborah Ross said...

Yes, just put music on or whatever you do, and get to it. I know you'll feel better. And I'm very interested to see what your new direction might be.

ohboya said...

Maybe there's too many changes all at once. If you're not feeling it, why not try starting a painting in your "old studio space" and see if that doesn't kick-start you. I know for myself, if too much changes -- it throws me off. Just a suggestion. You'll figure it out for yourself. Main thing is to just start!

Lisa said...

Don't read this comment - it will delay your start in the studio.

But good luck motivating yourself to the studio. I was going to bed half an hour ago. Hm - something happened...

Brooke said...

Tracy... Reading your last few posts really, really makes me want to fly out there and just sit and hang out with you and talk talk talk for awhile, check out your new studio, drive by all these barns you paint, hug Ginger (and everybody else) and talk some more. I miss you right now!

gary rith said...

Not paint for a month or two? You've been mighty busy with everything else, and when you think about it, such a nice summer deserves to be appreciated, there's plenty of inside time ahead!
Hey T., drop in at potsblog, add a joke today and maybe win!--GR

indiaartist said...

Everyone has those aimless moments when nothing seems to happen and it looks like there is nothing to wait for. These moments pass, too. Sometimes just shutting off the laptop and standing in front of blank canvas helps.

Martha Marshall said...

Tracy, I think you could be forgiven for taking the whole blasted rest of the year off! To paint, of course.

Tracy said...

Thanks Natalya, Good luck to you too:)

Thanks Diane, you are right, I know you're right. I will.

Thanks Melody!

Deborah, the music is definitely the key, always inspires me:)

Ohboya, Ahhh, the old space is currently being prepared for new paint on the walls. It is a wreck! Good suggestion though, thanks.

Lisa, I know, I should really not be checking my emails so obsessively, it totally makes me procrastinate. But I still like to get them:)

Anytime Brooke! And bring that cute little baby along with. I miss you too and I do hope you'll visit us someday.

The problem is, Gary, that I didn't mind NOT painting, but I didn't even take advantage of doing other stuff, and I didn't even go outside all that much. Blahhh!

Indiartist, I might be over the hump now, I think sending the kids ff to school this morning helped, as well as getting in front of some half finished work. Thanks!

Thanks Martha, I know I could take even more time off and it is tempting but I am feeling crappy about all this and I do feel much better when I am keeping busy. Not crazy busy but just regular busy is good.

Carol Knudsen said...

I like the way you have the underpainting reddish color around the edges too. It's a great effect!