A Reminder of How Subjective Art Is

As I mentioned in a previous post, the feedback on my work varied wildly at the residency in Vermont. Not only from the other residents, but also from the visiting artists. Studio visits by the visiting artists were optional, however I signed up to meet with all of them. Because I was working on developing new imagery I knew that getting so much feedback could be problematic. And it was. The first two visits really threw me off and after each meeting, it took awhile for me to get back to work, I was so confused and unsure of which direction to take. By the time the second two visiting artists came in, I had narrowed my focus a bit with the figures and their criticism didn't really affect me quite so much. Mostly because they both had completely different opinions about each of the pieces that I showed them. It was a wash.

Anyway, I thought I'd put up a few of the pieces that no one agreed on and describe what was said about them.

This piece: by far got the most comments, mostly positive actually. Which was frustrating, and then by the end of the month, comical to me because I was so disinterested in it that I couldn't bear to even try to continue working on it. However, two of the artists had completely different ideas about what direction to take it, despite the fact that I HAD NO INTEREST IN IT. Visiting Artist #1 said I should develop the background, and leave the face blank. #2 liked it too and said I should leave it, #3 said it was the most successful painting that I had done and went on to say that it was a clear statement on isolation in America. Ok. #4 didn't really have much to say about it, although she liked the way I painted the dress.

Most of the residents that saw it, liked it. Some thought I should finish it, some said no way and most said they liked the blank face.

#3 spent a lot of time telling me why this piece worked so well: which was actually very interesting and helpful. #4 liked it (and my landscapes in general) and #1 and #2 didn't really acknowledge any of my landscapes, except in passing. #2 did say that the landscapes in general were too polished and it bothered him that he could not see any "struggle" in them.

I had been doing some still life paintings just to keep working, while I was trying to figure out the figures and so each of the visiting artists saw them in varying stages.


(These last two are the ones on canvas that I worked on while stapled to the wall. The canvas, that is, not me:))

#1 and #2 completely dismissed them and one implied that still lifes probably wouldn't further one's career as far as reviews, museum shows, etc, but one could sell them and maybe meet expenses. #3 didn't really talk about them either, although she mentioned that if I were interested in portraying still life objects, I could work them into the figurative paintings. #4 liked the tulips but again, didn't really have anything specific to say about them. I can understand the response here to these, they were really just busy work, valuable for that.

The figurative work that I did in the drawing sessions also got very little discussion, with the exception of #3. Who felt I needed to work from the figure much more. She thought my lines were too hesitant and that I erased too much. She though I needed to develop the model's surroundings in the oil sketches more. I didn't agree much at all with her assessment of them, but didn't say anything, or explain that the erasing is part of the drawing. Maybe it isn't working if she sees it as erasing rather than part of the drawing? She is the only one who has ever said that to me so I don't know how seriously to take it.

I had just begun the small little paintings of the single figures:when #2 visited, and I can't recall if #1 saw them. #2 liked them, he mostly saw them in the drawing and underpainting stage and liked how they were so subtle, appearing and disappearing. #3 didn't like the color on them, but liked the underpainting stage, and in fact thought one of them was very successful: and I should leave it be. (after much debate with myself, I went on to paint color on it anyway) #4 felt the the whole direction was not very good. She said they would never be more than "vignettes," which sounded like a bad thing, the way she said it.

A few more observations. #1 and #2 did not even mention my use of color. #2 said "your process is killing you" meaning that he thought the way I paint was dragging me down and limiting my options. #3 asked me about my color and how I have come to it, but didn't really talk about it otherwise. #4 was the only one who discussed my color, and responded to it at all.

With #1 I spoke entirely too much about how I show and sell my landscapes. His visit was early on in the month and I was still a bit nervous in the whole environment. And when I am nervous I talk way too much, which is exactly what I did with him. I made an effort to keep my mouth shut as far as my exhibition activities go with the other artists. However, I definitely got the vibe from all of them that selling from a gallery was not a good idea and would badly affect the direction of one's work.

#3 didn't like this painting:She thought it was too sweet and sentimental, and that the tree should be more prominent. #4 loved it, thought it was strong and bold, but that it just needed a bit of form in the foreground in order to create more foreground. And I did more work on that area.

Now that a little time has passed, I have a different perspective on much of the feedback I received. The very specific comments concerning my process or what my intent was as far as respect vs sales, while perplexing at the time, have actually served to help me feel more confident about what I do. I LIKE my painting process and I enjoy it. I like that it is limiting and I like the challenge of having to work around those limits. I also know that when those thing really don't work for me anymore, I will change things up. And while I do make some decisions regarding exhibiting or gallery representation based on what I'd like to happen for me in the future, I don't think much about it when it comes to actually making art. If I were so concerned about showing in Chelsea, for example, I would NOT be painting a representational landscape or barns, god forbid. heh.

The visit from #1 and his comments helped me realize that I needed to simplify the figures, get rid of the backgrounds and work at a smaller scale in order to work out some of these issues. The encouragement from #2 and #3 concerning the small figure underpaintings was good, although I ultimately decided that I needed to add the color anyway. And I am glad I went in that direction. I can always do more that are monochromatic anyway. And #3 really gave me insight about why some of my pieces worked, as well as why some didn't. #4 encouraged my use of color, giving me some ideas about how to use the color to create and push the forms behind the figures. She was also really nice to just chat with and I appreciated that.

So overall, despite wanting to pull out all my hair and give up painting entirely after most of the critiques, there was some valuable information from each visit, that will ultimately help me. But the really amazing thing was how much the opinions varied.

Animal Rescue Site

Our dog, Penny.

This email comes from my Aunt Shirley in Kansas City MO.:

I know that each of you have a special place in your hearts for our 4 legged friends. Please help. This is pretty simple. Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on the purple box 'fund food for animals' for free. This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.

So do me a favor, folks. Visit this website and click on the purple box. A few times. And then feel free to email the link to your friends and/or post it on your blog. We all love our pets and this is an easy way to help animals in need. Thanks!

The Next Two Weeks

By the time my family came to visit me halfway through the month in Vermont, I was struggling. I had done two small pieces that were interesting to me but I had gotten such conflicting feedback about them that I was definitely confused. I had had a very irritating conversation with another resident, who didn't seem to understand what I was saying about the criticism I had received. She assumed I was upset that the feedback had been negative, even though I kept saying my confusion was the issue and that the mostly nonconstructive comments were not helpful. Then I had a great chat with Alice in her studio about all of this and she very firmly reminded me that I had to do what I felt, and to not let other's comments mess me up. After that conversation I stopped feeling like I wanted to cry, made an effort to avoid the other resident at mealtime (she meant well, I think I just didn't communicate with her very well and I liked her art a lot, by the way), and then went off to enjoy a few days with my family. Doug's feedback helped me get back on track, as well as the break and when I got back to my studio on Monday, I knew what to do.

I began more small portraits of people, again, based on the vintage photos. I decided to begin with a sanguine pastel pencil drawing on gessobord, red and orange glazes, and then full color glazes. Here are three of them at that stage:





Normally, at home I tend to do a whole batch of underpaintings on one day and then do the rest of the glazes over the course of a week or so. However, the drawings take longer, so I did one or two each day and the work on each piece was staggered over several days. Working like that took some getting used to, since working fast is so much a part of my process. My underpaintings are quickly done, simply and without much preparation, but with a lot of energy and a kind of urgency. Beginning with a nice, calm, detailed and deliberate drawing was a real change of pace and I wondered how that difference would affect the later stages of the paintings. So these are the pieces that I began the third week of the residency, they are somewhat in order as I worked on them, although I didn't really keep track:

5x7

Close-up

5x7

5x7

5x7

5x7

8x10

8x10

I was very excited about the first few, though none of them came easy; for example the girl in the chair bothered me and I am still not sure about that one at all.

At the same time that I was working on these, I was trying to finish up the large barn painting as well as the large tulips. Doing the other work helped me to not get too overwhelmed or obsessed with the figures and also let me step back a bit from them and take a breather. The other events that occurred that week were two studio visits by two visiting artists, one of whom loved the paintings BEFORE I applied the full color (I had a few up that only had the orange and red glazes over the drawing) and one hated the whole direction, saying that they would only ever be vignettes. I also decided that I wanted to try working from more contemporary figures and realized that I was beginning to look at other people differently, just the way I began to look at landscapes and barns differently once I began to paint them. So I nervously asked a few of the other residents if I could take a few shots of them to be used as reference for future paintings, in exchange for a small study (when I get to them, that is). Everyone I asked was actually really excited to do this and so I began to ask more people. I now have hundreds of reference photos and am itching to get to work on them after I am finished adjusting to the real world. In fact, I was so taken with the photos of Sierra, a writer from Seattle, that I began two paintings of her right away and managed to get the color on them during the last few days there. These are the paintings that I did on the last day that I could paint before leaving:

5x7

8x10

12x16

5x7

I would say that I need to go back into each of them a bit more, but basically I am pleased with them. I am also intrigued by the one with the three figures, although Doug says it's too dated, not as timeless as the others.

Scale: I decided to keep the scale small on these pieces for several reasons. First is that I wanted to get a lot of images going while I was still in Vermont and could focus on them. I knew I could work faster if they were smaller. Also, working small is not quite so intimidating. I went through this same process with the landscapes, beginning small (um, because I was afraid) and then gradually working larger. Thirdly, working out the issues on a smaller scale is easier and then finally, I knew I wanted to keep the details to a bare minimum and I knew if I worked larger, I would begin noodling and overworking, losing sight of the "big picture". So working small was my self-induced limitation, one that will soon change.

The faces and other details: Like my landscapes, capturing detail and even reality is not really my intent. In almost all of my work I am just trying to express what I am feeling about the image. I guess there is always a bit of logic involved, in that the objects are usually fairly representational, and a fairly real space is involved, but the details don't necessarily concern me at all. In the first small paintings that I did, the facial features were fairly distinct. While I think they worked ok, in the later pieces, I consciously decided to leave out much of the specific facial features, preferring to leave them open to the viewer's interpretation, including mine. I see something different in these people each time I look at them and I like that quality.

These are just a start. (Provided I have time to continue working on them) I intend to increase the scale, as well as begin to add more information into the backgrounds. And after getting home and coming across this painter's work, clearly I do need to make a bit of a shift in order to move away from what she is doing! Anyway, I am not worried about that, I am just at the beginning of the process here and despite the fact that my concept is similar to what she says in her artist statement, where I go will surely be different.

I didn't go to the figure drawing sessions quite as much, especially during the third week, while I was beginning the second batch of paintings. In the last week, I did a few small pencil drawings from the model, thinking I would do the glazes over them. But the drawings didn't really inspire me and do I erased them in order to use the panels again. And then on the last Tuesday, I did two more oil sketches, using a different color. The brand of paint was Old Holland and even though I liked the color, the paint itself was really hard to move around on the paper. It drove me crazy, but I did end up like the effect of not being about to cover the entire surface. Also I should add that while I was working on this first one it seemed right that the face was in shadow. Now I hate it and cringe a little bit when I see that part. However, I really like the rest of the drawing.

16x20

For the next one, I added a bit of Liquin to the paint, just so I could work with it a bit easier and I think this one is my favorite of all of the oil sketches I did while there.

16x20

I did all of these oil sketches during half hour poses, not too short but not long enough for me to overwork. Not usually anyway. Also during the course of the month, I could really see a huge difference in my drawing skills because of the live figure drawing sessions. Drawing the clothed figures to paint was so much easier than it probably would have been otherwise. A good reminder for me to keep up with the figure classes now that I am back home.

So there you go. I have a show (landscapes) in May to prepare for but I am hoping to carve out some time to keep working on the figurative work. I am still feeling enthusiasm for them and hope to keep that momentum. In addition, the break from landscapes was also valuable and I am feeling pretty excited about getting back to them.

And I am off to do just that right now. I did some underpaintings last Friday and they are ready for their color today.......

PS. I feel like I need to explain about the prom image. I liked certain aspects of the couple which is why I initially chose the image. But after I did the underpainting (drawing) I couldn't believe that I had gone ahead with it. I am the most un-promlike person you will ever know, the most un-formal event person you will ever know and this sentimental stuff is really not my thing. But I decided to go forward anyway, and I thought that maybe if I chose ugly colors it would be more satisfying. Heh. That didn't really work and somehow the pea green background that I intended looks more like gold (in person), the girl's dress looks romantic and luminous and the boy looks less dorky than I had intended. Despite all of that happy crap, I actually like the piece. Don't worry though, my feelings about proms have NOT changed.

The First Two Weeks of the Figure

First of all, I would like to apologize in advance to those of you with dial-up and/or slow computers. The next few posts will have A LOT of images and it may take awhile to load them up. Sorry.

This post will cover what I did with the figures during the first two weeks, and then I will discuss the the second two weeks in the next post. That separation is appropriate because it is punctuated by a teary eyed breakdown (common during these residencies, I hear) and the visit by my family, which served as a great distraction, even if I was a bit put out by the collision of my two worlds!

Ok, so on my first full day in Vermont I attended the figure drawing session and then later on in the afternoon, I began the first one of these small drawings based on a few of the vintage photographs that I had brought along. I did about five of them during the first few days, in between the figure drawing sessions, and I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it was to just sit and draw, without the nagging feeling of having other, more important and well, splashier things to do, like painting. I am very pleased with these and they were very useful in helping me decide where to start with the paintings.





Within a few days I decided to go ahead and jump into some large paintings on panel, based on these drawings. I wrote about that here. I was excited about the underpaintings and went on to add the color which was where things began to fall apart! I was not feeling good about what was happening with the color and what it was doing to the space and even the subject matter. And even worse, I was so disinterested in them that I only partially completed three of them and couldn't even muster the energy to work on the fourth at all. That should have been my first clue. If I am not enjoying or am excited by the challenge then it is not working for me and it's time to change the direction. But which way? At this point I had had a lot of feedback by other residents as well as by two of the four visiting artists and I admit to being completely flustered by all of the different opinions and suggestions. So by the end of the first week I was floundering. I didn't know what to do. I did some small still lifes just so I could keep working. I stapled two large pieces of canvas to the wall and did large paintings of some tulips, from life. None of those things were amazing or maybe not even particularly successful, but they were fun and I really enjoyed the process of working on all of them. I'll put some of those images up in a later post.

Finally though, after a good night's sleep (always helpful for decision making and clarity) I realized that I had to strip away all of the details and extra information just like I had done when I began painting the landscape. When I started the landscapes and barns, after first including too much information, most of it was removed until I found what I had to say, and I have been gradually adding back details ever since.

Even though I did not like any of the first four paintings, each of them contained something valuable that I could take and move forward with. Painting #1 really drove it home for me that I needed to really simplify things, especially now. In cropping the image, I began to see what direction I wanted to go in.
#1, 16x20


#2 showed me that maybe plunking down a figure into one of my usual landscapes wasn't what I should be doing at this point, even though it is a relatively successful painting. It just doesn't seem right to me.
#2, 12x12

#3 gave me some real encouragement that I would be able to render clothing and the volume of the body underneath. And despite many positive remarks from the visiting artists, two of whom liked it exactly the way it is, this is also not something that is working for me.
#3, 18x24


And from painting #4 I learned that I needed to begin differently, that part of the problem was the underpaintings done in oil. Just technically it was very difficult to get the kind of information that I wanted into the underpainting (that is why the faces were blank at that stage-it was impossible to establish them) so I realized that I would have to begin a painting in a different way. Holy cow! Been awhile since I haven't started a painting without oil paint and a piece of a t-shirt!
#4, 20x24

Since the pencil drawings had been intriguing to me (but not to too many others, based upon feedback by visitors and even by Doug), I thought that would be a good thing to pursue. First I did a pencil drawing of a girl on sized paper. I then worried that the graphite drawing underneath would "deaden" the color of the subsequent glazes so I bought some sanguine colored pastel pencils at The Studio Store and I then did a drawing of a small figure on gessoboard with the pencils. I added a lot of detail, more than I thought I would paint, but I really wanted to be able to either use the info later, or to not, based on how I felt when I got there. I then coated both drawings with matte medium, then an orange glaze and then a red glaze, to approximate the colors that I usually begin a painting with. Here is one of them at this point (I didn't get a shot of the other one) and the color is awful by the way, it is actually much more red at this stage:


After the glazes dried, I made a first pass with color and was very happy with the results. And here they are finished:
5x7
7.5x9

Even though I again received wildly varying comments from others about them, I really could see something in these two pieces. And so I kept going and began several more. And those I will include in the next post, along with more discussion about the features and scale.

Also, a word about the colors of the glazes here. I considered changing up the first glazes but I was feeling the time pass and I really felt that I wanted to make some progress concerning other issues. Working with a different underpainting color really deserves its own month in Vermont!

Oh and also, during the first two weeks I did several charcoal drawings, and four oil sketches at the figure sessions. I didn't go every day (usually skipped the days with the boy model, sorry, no offense to the model, he was great). The oil sketches are on Daley-Rowney double primed oil painting paper, taped to a drawing board. I used oil paint, straight from the tube, no solvent or medium and used a cotton rag to wipe of the lights. They take at least a few days to dry, depending on the brand of paint or color, and are also very difficult to photograph.
12x16

16x20
16x20
16x20



Stayed tuned:there are oh so many more figures to come!

Well...

Contrasts, 2008, Oil on Panel, 11x14

........it turns out that my "career" went on without me last month. Doug told me I was still receiving checks while I was was gone, including a record breaking (for me) payment from the January show, but I really had no idea how many pieces had been sold in my various galleries until I sat down and went through my records today. This is usually a pretty slow time of the year, but sales were considerably more than last year. Good thing too, since I now have a new car to pay for.

And THANK GOD I had the sense to do a number of paintings before I left and even though I am still feeling a bit raw about getting back to work, I have spent all day preparing jpegs of those and updating galleries with the new images, new prices and my newly updated exhibition resume. I guess office work is a good way to ease back into the studio. I am tentatively planning to do some underpaintings tomorrow, because I am feeling that now is the time. I am liable to get some sort of blockage if I wait too long!

I have also finally gotten all of the figurative work that I did in Vermont photographed. I plan to get those ready and spend some time gathering my thoughts on all of that and will get a post up in the next few days. And after that I still have a few more posts planned about my time there, which will include more images of parties and the other resident's studio work, studios and with links to their websites.

Man, I sure can go on and on about a topic, can't I? You have no idea, unless you know me in person. Heh.

Re-Entry, Sort Of

Self-Portrait, in progress, 2008, 8x10

I am surprised at how strange it still is to be back in my real life. At home things are fine but I feel very odd while out in public. Like I still have those exposed organs. I haven't really seen anyone I know yet, and I haven't even called any of my friends. At first I couldn't imagine why I was feeling like that but today it hit me-I am trying to hold onto my experiences at VSC. When I begin socializing here again, the conversations and new friendships I had there will begin to fade, just a bit and I am not quite ready yet to let that happen. I think that explains why I have been so slow to unpack as well. I still haven't entirely unpacked my suitcases or supplies, although I did take all of my paint tubes and brushes out of the box and set them out on my work table. Baby steps, I guess. I will try to do more tomorrow.

I was planning to take a few weeks off from painting, but it may not last that long. Last night, while surfing the net on my BRAND NEW COMPUTER, I came across the work of Stuart Shils and I also noticed that he is to be a visiting artist this November at VSC. Hmmm.....might have to apply for another residency. Anyway, I am quite familiar with his paintings already but for some reason they really struck a chord with me last night and the urge to get back to work just swept over me. Not that I did anything about it, of course, heh, but I am glad to have that old familiar feeling back again, which is probably why I took the step of unpacking my paints today.

Anyway, enough about my mental status. I am putting up a quick self-portrait that I did on the last day in my studio in Vermont. Actually, I may work into it a bit more, but basically I am pleased with it. It also marks the first time in twenty plus years that I have done a self-portrait. They were never my favorite thing to do, because despite being a pretty self-involved person, actually looking at myself for so long was a bit much. This time it seemed ok, though and besides this one is all about the hair. Not much introspection necessary. Heh. And in keeping with that piece, I am also including my "official" studio shot as well as a group shot of the residents. Kind of a motley crew, eh?

Super Duper Important Electronics Update

Deep Shadow, 2008, Oil on Panel, 24x36

As I have mentioned a few times over the last month, I have recently been having so much trouble with my electronics that it is downright comical at this point. Most of my time since getting back has been taken up with fixing and/or replacing the various items that have broken down.

1. My 2 year old iMac crashed in January, setting me off onto a rant or two or ten. I used Doug's computer and sometimes the kid's computer until we could figure out what was wrong with it. While I was in Vermont, Doug took it to the Apple store in Albany and they said the logic board was shot. Cost to fix that: $950. Cost to replace: $1199. I replaced it AND got a 20" screen, plus an external back up system. Totally tax-deductible at least. But more difficult to get up and walk away from. Heh.

2. I took Doug's old Mac laptop to Vermont, along with the antique power supply cord. People laughed when they saw the cord, it's so old. The battery in the laptop is shot and the computer is so old that they don't even make those batteries anymore, so the cord is necessary. BUT. The power cord is also messed up and you have to wiggle it and set it up just right or it won't work. And I was seldom able to get the wiggle just right. Somehow my 12 year old son is able to get it to work every time which is just typical.

3. The battery in my cell phone died on the second day in Vermont. This was extremely annoying because I rarely even use my cell phone. I am still not even a 100% sure of the number. We don't have a signal at our house and I don't have any business that is so important that I need to receive calls while I am picking up my kids in town. Luckily, Doug just got a new phone (he DOES use his phone all of the time-in fact his phone is actually attached to his left ear) and the battery in his old phone is fairly new so we can just replace mine with that one.

4. This one really breaks my heart: my iPod. Listening to my music in the studio is a big deal to me and I love my iPod. I took it along with me to Vermont and while I was there the sound stopped coming through the left headphone. I tested the headphones on a friend's iPod and they worked fine. I listened to the music in one ear for an afternoon which gave me a headache and made me feel unbalanced, then while fooling around with the connection, I found that if the headphones were only halfway plugged in, the sound comes through both headphones. The drawback with this plan is that, well, the headphones are only halfway plugged in, and the plug tended to fall out easily. But I managed to get through the month like that. Now that I am home though, the music is only playing through one stereo speaker which is driving me crazy and so Doug is going to take it in with him to the city to see if it can be fixed or if it has to be replaced. And naturally, the iPod is about two months past the end of the warranty which is also just typical.

5. And last, but in no way least, my 1998 Mazda MPV has been giving me trouble for the last year or so. Um just after we paid off the loan, of course. First the air conditioning broke and because of some crazy design issue it was incredibly expensive to fix, so we never did that. Then it was the usual stuff in a car with over 100,000 miles-new brakes, timing belt, muffler, new axels, tires, etc. I have had many worries about the car breaking down on the side of the road and with my tight kid pick up schedule and with Doug out of town half the time I have been pitching daily fits about getting a new car. We decided to wait until spring but then on the way to Vermont, I noticed that the back of the roof was impeding my rear view. I took it to a mechanic in Johnson and he said that the rear suspension system was completely shot. Doug and I debated about getting it fixed (not cheap) and then decided that it was time to get a new car. So my Mazda and I limped home, with the body of the car just a few inches higher than the rear wheels. Yesterday we traded it in for a whopping $1000 bucks and came home with a shiny new charcoal grey Honda Pilot. I am relieved to have a dependable car again and am even more tickled to have the best cup holders that I have ever had in a car. Sometimes it's the little things. Oh, but even better than the cup holders is the fact that I am paying for this car. After years of relying on Doug's income, I am very happy to be able to buy my own car. First one since the '74 VW Dasher I bought for $2000 when I was 16!

I got through all of this thinking that at least my digital camera still works, but then it turns out that I left it in the lounge at the Vermont Studio Center on my last night there. Along with the memory card containing hundreds of portraits I took of the other residents. Luckily, the infamous David Grozinsky found it exactly where I left it on that crazy late night (I can't even use alcohol as an excuse), and is sending it back to me, so I will NOT have to buy a new camera at least. Well, unless it gets lost in transit, which would be just typical.....

So there you go. Who knows what will break down on me next.

Leaving Vermont and then Home Again, Home Again

The last few days in Vermont went by so quickly! Wednesday was my last day to paint and I put color down on four paintings. Ok, they were very small panels, but still. I sat in my studio BBQ chair (you know, those white plastic lawn chairs?) at my easel all day and by dinner I was all stiff and sore to prove it. That evening was the final Open Studio and it was so much fun! I thoroughly enjoyed wandering through all of the studios and seeing what everyone had accomplished. Afterwards, there was a hat party in the resident's lounge, and even though I did not make myself a hat went anyway. I am such a non-conformist. Heh. But it was fun and I was feeling particularly social after basically finishing up my work for the month so I stayed out rather late.

I spent Thursday morning packing up my studio, and after finishing up, I was sorely tempted to just get in my car and drive home that day. However, I decided to stick around. I thought it would be nice to just hang around for the day and not feel compelled to work in the studio. So I went to the bookstore in town and bought a bunch of books for my kids, and to the maple store to buy a few jugs of maple syrup. And then I went to my room and finished reading The Ha-Ha. I loved that book, by the way, and highly recommend it. It seemed perfect to finish it on my last day in Vermont.

Oddly, I cannot recall what was served for our last dinner, however it was surely good, as most of the meals were for the entire month. There weren't even any repeats! We all lingered after, chatting and not wanting the evening to end. Later on a bunch of us went to The Hub, the local bar/pizza place and then we all eventually ended up down in the resident's lounge again. There was a wicked drinking game of "I Never" and many secrets were shared publicly, though some of it was probably bullshit too. I have to admit that I have never had sex in an elevator, even though I did imply that I had. Um, by drinking my water after I said I had. Guess I got caught up in the fun.

Anyway, I went to bed way too late and then woke up way too early, anxious to get home all of a sudden. The temperature had really dropped overnight, but luckily my car (unlike some of the others) started right up even if some of the car doors were frozen shut. After loading up the rest of my belongings, I went in to have breakfast.

And the goodbyes! I had said a few the previous day, to those who either left on Thursday, or early on Friday morning, although a few people (like Trevor, one of my house mates) had slipped away without a goodbye, to me anyway. Alice, who was kind enough to listen to me blather on during my little breakdown a few weeks earlier, stopped by the dining hall after dinner, even though she had been terribly ill to say goodbye and I hugged her despite her cooties. I will miss Alice, along with her great accent (she is from New Zealand), her easy laugh, and her liberal use of the word shag. The goodbyes continued on Friday morning since nearly everyone was leaving by 9am. My next door studio neighbor, Rachel, said some really kind things to me during our goodbyes, and I was very sad to leave my good friend Barbara, who was staying on for another two weeks. I was also sad to be leaving Amanda, my new young friend, who I enjoyed so much, as well as Val, who was kind enough to listen to my endless laments about which direction to take with the figure paintings. I missed saying goodbye to a few people, but I think we will all keep in touch, ain't email great? Oh and I also scored hugs from a few of the cute guys-Nick, Greg, Seth, Mac and David Grozinsky. Love all that action!

I was giving another resident, Minette, a ride to Albany, and we left by 9am. I was a little bit disappointed to not have my "alone in the car singing to my ipod time" after NOT being able to sing in our silent studios and houses for a month. However, I quickly got over it and really enjoyed Minette's company. We talked for the entire four hours! We hadn't really spent much time getting to know each other at the Studio Center, so it was nice to finally be able to do that. She is very nice and has an exciting life and career going. We met up with her significant other, artist Hank Thomas (I didn't recognise his name, but when I got home I looked at his website and realized that I had seen his work before), in Albany and they went on to Williamstown to attend a symposium at the Williams College Museum of Art.

I stopped at the Apple store at a mall in Albany to buy my new computer, which was really irritating. Do they TRY to make all of the employees look exactly the same? Small, thin boys with short dark hair, blue t-shirts, all holding hand held devices. I kept talking to different ones, thinking I was speaking to the same person that I had initially explained my situation to.

And I have to add here how difficult it was to do all of this, walking through a mall, making a large purchase, after being shut away in Vermont for a month. I felt like my organs were showing.

I got home around 4:30, after catching up on my singing, and no one was there! But there was a big welcome home sign, made by the kids. I unloaded my car and finally everyone showed up later on. Doug had gone to pick everyone up after their after school activities.

Everyone got along well without me, which means they are very well adjusted, right? I can see that Doug focused on the kids and his work. And THAT means that I will be spending a few days cleaning the house and paying some bills. But that's ok. I sure did love not having to cook and clean while I was away, but I found it oddly comforting to be doing all of those things this weekend.

I haven't really seen anyone besides my family since being home, but I suppose I will soon. Kind of waiting for that exposed organ feeling to dissipate, you know?

More tomorrow.