Choosing

Horizon Lines (Twenty Two), 2009, Oil on Birch Panel, 18x24

On Monday morning, I felt pretty energetic about getting my studio cleaned up, documenting and storing returned work, looking for additional gallery representation and then getting back to work on the People You Know series. Unfortunately all that energy crashed and burned by noon on Monday. I was planning to ignore whatever post show meltdown happened to come my way this time, but maybe mind over matter doesn't apply here. I have spent most of the last few days doing computer stuff; stuff that should get done, but none of it is crucial and I really should be doing the other things on my list. And all of this coincides with an inability to get a full night's sleep lately.

I would say that I will try again today to get back to it, however my hypnotherapist suggested NOT using the word "try" because it tends to set one up for failure. She encouraged me to use the word "choose" in its place and I have been working on that little switcharoo.

So today, after I choose to have a nap even though napping during the day will mess up my sleep even more, I will then choose to finish putting the returned work into storage and will also choose to prepare to begin a few new portraits tomorrow.

But first I will try to choose to get my butt up and out of my computer chair. heh.

So. Tired.

Color in the Woods, 2008, 16x20, Oil on Birch Panel

Well, today is the big day. The kids are at school (I personally observed them boarding the bus), the house is quiet, I have prepared panels ready to go and am really excited about my studio plan for this year.

The problem is that I am so incredibly tired today. We succumbed to temptation to stay up late, get up late and just oversleep in general during the last two weeks. I knew I would regret it, but it was lovely staying up late the last few weeks and there is nothing like a Monopoly game that goes past midnight.

I did attempt to get close to our usual schedule at the end of last week, but no one, including me, did very well at it. Yesterday was a mess, due to a number of events one of which included a vomiting child the night before. So no one was asleep before 11pm last night, I was up until 1am and since I was worried that I might sleep through my alarm, I am pretty sure that I didn't fully fall asleep at all. Luckily though, even though none of them had enough sleep, the kids all popped right up out of bed this morning. I suspect that they were very excited to get out of the house and away from the 'rents too.

I however, am left exhausted. I will not nap today because if I do I will be up late again tonight, but I am not too sure what I will be able to accomplish today. Um just so you know.

My first excuse of 2009. heh.

I am NOT a Morning Person

Purple Weeds, 2007, Oil on Panel, 6x8

Kesha left a comment the other day, aghast at the possibility that I could possibly be a morning person.

I'd like to assure everyone that I am not a natural morning person at all. In college, I thrived on all nighters, and rarely went to bed before 3 am. I hardly ever began any work in my studio before 11pm and I still have fond memories of how creative I was between those incredibly surreal hours of 3-5am. Of course I slept later than I can now, and most of my classes began later in the days with a few notable (and painful exceptions). One thing I did learn from all of this late night activity, was to never use an x-acto knife after midnight. The possibility of losing a finger or a good chunk of skin really goes up when using tools with blades late at night. Just so you know.

Although I have long ago ended the all nighters, up until we moved to NY four years ago, I tended to be up late (midnight or so) and sleep in just a bit in the morning (7 or 8am). But we moved here and for some reason I began to just wake up at 6am. The kid's bus comes at 7:30am and I like to have a shower before I have to get them up. The pets need food, the dogs need to be released from their crates and the chickens are waiting for their food. And then I have to use the time that the kids are at school effectively (not that I always do) and so I have no choice anymore but to jump up every morning and be fully functioning within minutes.

So I do it, but it is under duress. And I suspect that working and functioning against my nature is why I am often so dang tired by late afternoon. And to really seal the deal, I seldom go to sleep before 11pm and I absolutely cannot sleep past 7am, even if I don't HAVE to get up. Crap. Plus I find myself trying to schedule things for the morning, when I have more energy.

Double crap.