Pink Side of the Road, 2008, Oil on Birch Panel, 16x20
I just wrote a whole thing about what a funk I have been in lately, blah, blah, blah. I realized that I have spent yet another day doing nothing in my studio and I am feeling disappointed in my lack of progress in the studio. Of course today I had a good excuse (snow day, kids home) but it seems like I am always making excuses.
Usually I prefer to beat myself up for not doing what I think I should be doing each day but I am giving myself a rare break from that tonight. So I deleted what I wrote (too depressing, even for me at this time of the day when I can be very pessimistic about everything) and will just try to work in the studio again tomorrow.
I should remember the story about the above painting: I did the underpainting for it (and the one I posted on Monday) last spring, way before I moved up into my new studio, before painting the walls, planting the garden and preparing small format paintings for a July show. I finally got back to the underpaintings in November and added the color, even though I had completely forgotten what I had had in mind for them when I started. But I love them, and maybe they turned out better than they might have if I had finished them right away.
I gave those two pieces very little thought all that time, but instead of bang, bang, banging them out, there was time and other experiences between the start and finish line. And now that I think about it, that is how I have been approaching the portraits too. Much more slowly, with time in between each step, but not a lot of consideration either.
Hmmm. Perhaps I need to reconsider my process just a bit, rather than giving myself a hard time about not painting like I used to, such a hard time that I can't even work at all.