Monday, November 19, 2007

A Miss After All

Winter Light, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x12

Well, folks, turns out I was too sick after all to make it to my own opening in Pittsburgh, for a show that has been on my calendar for over two years, yes, two years.

I really thought I was better, and had nearly convinced myself of that during the 2 hour drive to the airport and while standing in the security lines. But when Doug and I were in the bookstore, it really hit me-I felt awful. When I moved my eyes everything wiggled and I was pretty sure I had a fever (I did, it was 101.9). So Doug got our bag back, canceled everything and we drove back home.

I felt horrible about missing the opening, I worried about how the gallery had put so much time and energy into setting up the show and publicizing it and how it felt like such a faux pas that I had committed. Of course the gallery director was very nice and understanding when Doug called her to explain (I was practically hallucinating by then) but still this is new territory for me and I reserve the right to feel guilty anyway. But by Friday evening I didn't care, I was worried about survival! And at around 7pm on Saturday, during the opening, I was crawling around my bedroom trying to get into bed so that I could assume the fetal position and die. So I guess it was good I didn't go, right?

Anyway, today I am feeling much better. I still have a very irritating cough and not much energy, but I am not seeing things anymore, my temperature has been normal since last night and the part in my hair doesn't hurt as much either (I am not even kidding, the area around the part of my hair was incredibly painful and sensitive. I kept thinking it would go away if I made a new part on the other side but I couldn't bear the thought of doing that either). Doug took care of everything while I was out of it and the kids have been very helpful towards me. I plan to milk that for at least another week or so. The other benefits from this enforced time off was, well having time off, which I suspect I needed (the body is very intuitive) and I lost a few pounds plus was able to kick my sugar habit in one fell swoop.

There is always a bright side.


Jayne Rose said...

Gee Tracy. The part in your hair hurt. Crap, that's bad.

Isn't it sad that getting sick is almost the only way of getting a break? I tend to think that way, especially with the holiday season bearing down on me (restaurant business is my other life).

Take care and enjoy your Thanksgiving.

KJ said...

I remember not wanting to go to my last opening, was almost delighted when my husband obliged by creating a bad break in his foot and we had to cancel the morning of... and then the relief turned to guilt. Should have been there, at least should have WANTED to be there. Glad you are on the recovering end of the sick cycle.

Anonymous said...

If you bounce back into a fever, with wiggley vision you should think about an antibiotic!

I think you probably got sick because of the opening. As soon as we are stressed - good or bad - our immune system weakens.

I enjoy your site and frequent it often.

Sherrill, Montreal

Tracy said...

Hi Jayne, thanks and I will have a nice Thanksgiving because Doug will be doing most of the cooking:)

Funny though, I always think I take breaks, but they aren't really breaks like this was, where there were no cares or worries, at least for a few days. Guess that's what I needed.

Karen, I would have felt exactly the same way, glad then totally guilty. Although I have to say that i enjoy my openings now and I also feel disappointed that I missed out this one. Lots of attention, you know:)

Hi Sherrill, thanks for delurking!

I am sure the general stress that I am under did contribute to this although as I said above, I do actually like the openings. However, I avoid antibiotics and besides, I am pretty sure this was a viral flu. It's been slowly making its rounds here, Doug and my son both had a similar illness last month.

Natalya said...

sorry you were feeling so bad, and glad you are better now. we have this viral flu here now too, both my kids are out of school this week because of it, keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be spared...
Too bad you missed the opening, there'll be others though!

indigomar said...

it's awful when the hair hurts!
glad you're on the mend, too bad about the opening. you're right though, your body and subconscious was talking to you.

Casey Klahn said...

Get well soon, Tracy.zyyk

Anonymous said...

Dear Tracy,
You don’t know me. My name is Marina and I live in Pittsburgh a little more than a year. I am slightly nervous, because I am afraid not to find right words in a short note… Although I live 10 years in US and speak English at home every day, my native language is Russian. This fact makes the expression of my strong emotions even harder. But I will try…as I feel grateful to you.
I was at the opening of your SOLO exhibition. It is SO-O-O-O beautiful!!! It is literally breathtaking! It deeply moved me and gave me that special mystical feeling that it is EXACTLY how I wanted things to be. (I believe you know this effect of really gifted art which close to your soul.) It is like recognizing even you never saw it before: “Yes- I knew it! It is so much like I see! May be it was always mine? No, but it will stay with me...” Now it is probably time to say that I am an artist too. I do paper cuts. (I will exhibit 3 pictures at “Boxheart” gallery in December). A week ago I was attracted to the window of “Boxheart” gallery by couple of your paintings. I came in and saw most of them on the floor. Then, I talked to owner -Nicole (that how we met) and found out that it will be your exhibition. I brought my friend. She is professor of art history at Pitt. Together we were watching and moaning, discussing and keeping come back to the same paintings over and over. And surprisingly every time they looked like completely new ones. I am so sorry that you are sick and I had no chance to say this to you in person. (May be next time, on December, 8?)
I wish you to get well and have Happy Thanks Giving with your family! This is my little present for you:
If you give me your e-mail address I will be able to show what I am doing and may be to tell a little more about myself if you would be interested.
Sincerely yours,
Marina Mozhayeva
My e-mail:

drips of paint said...

one day you was sick and the next day you blogging happily ... and thanks god you alright well

wish you recover fully soon and happy thanks giving

Tracy said...

Thanks Natalya, thanks and I will keep my fingers crossed for you too!

Mary Ann, I know, that was the worst indignity, hurting hair! Doug had that too.

Thanks Casey. What is zyyk? Is it one of those internet abbreviations that I am not cool enough to know:)

Hi Marina, Wow! Such great compliments, I don't even know what to say. I am so pleased to know that my work has affected you in this way, isn't that just the best part about being an artist-affecting people? I would to see you work, it sound interesting and congrats on showing some work there in December! That is great. Thanks for your email address and I will contact you directly.

Casey Klahn said...

That was me typing the word verification in the comment box.
I am not cool enough to know the IM lingo, either.

n warner said...


So sorry that you got horribly sick before your opening. While nothing can replace that for you in the
short run.....the bright side is as

Mozart died at 35 from rheumatic fever….

Edgar Allan Poe delirious, "in great distress, and... in need of immediate assistance," died at 40…..

And then there was Vincent Van Gogh, dead at 37.

The more I am spent, ill, a broken pitcher,” Vincent van Gogh, the quintessential suffering artist, wrote, “so much more am I an artist, a creative artist.”

Diagnosed with tuberculosis at age 7, the talk of London before he turned 22, and dead at 25, Aubrey Beardsley (1872-1898) was a textbook example of the doomed artist he and his fellow decadents admired so much.
I hope you see the irony here....and please see that
all will be well with you and
you are going to continue being
great...just not now...another opening awaits.

Your lurkee-loo and fan!


Kesha Bruce said...

Hey congrats on the show, sorry about the cooties. It seems to be circling several continents at once.

*sniffle sniffle*

Tracy said...

Tim, thanks,and hope you had a nice Thanksgiving as well.

HAHA!Casey, thanks for the good laugh about typing in the verification, made my day! SO uncool that it was cool:)

Um, Nina, well I think I knew where you were headed here, although I WAS a bit nervous at first:) The only good connection I saw was that I have outlived those poor dead artists!

Thanks Kesha and I surely hope you are not as ill as I have been!

n warner said...

Yo Tracy,
Sorry to be the 'bummer' there's no real 'upshot' to feeling
really som my apologies for being so dim - witted. And the sun
will come out....ah, well, I'm heading in a similar direction :-)
Cheers and sorry you are feeling so bad for sooooo long. Nina