Incrementally Better Today

The Farm Up the Hill, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10

Well, I have been spending my days resting. Or trying to. I do actually nap a bit during the day, mostly because I wake at night because of the cough. Even though I don't consider myself to be a high energy person, just sitting around all day is really hard for me. So I still get up every so often and do some small chore, just to keep moving a bit. I did catch up on some paperwork yesterday, in bed, while watching TV, so that made me feel somewhat productive. And I have been able to get in some reading and knitting into my busy schedule.

I am trying NOT to think about how screwed I am if I can't back to the studio next week.

Oh and I have been meaning to recommend a new blog that I have been interested in lately. Sustainability is an important topic these days and I think it's great that artists are taking it on as well. I am very careful about the waste generated from my work, as well as recycling and using more natural products whenever possible. I will talk about the specifics of all that in a future post.

And When Bad News is Bad (Or Could Be Worse)

Long Row, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x18

So it turns out that even if one considers oneself to be healthy, meaning that one seldom gets sick with colds or flu or stomach bugs, or eats organic foods, drinks only water and doesn't smoke or take drugs, and exercises (though maybe not as much as one should) that doesn't actually mean one will NEVER get hit with a double whammy flu/pneumonia combination.

I was starting to feel better over the weekend, but just a bit, not as much as I should have at that point. But still no new symptoms, just the cough and being tired. But then Monday evening I was REALLY wiped out and also noticed that my breathing had changed. Short and shallow breaths, just after walking from one room to another. And that was my sign to go in and get checked out for pneumonia, which despite having so few of the symptoms, was pretty much number one on the list of why I was not feeling better.

So today, Doug took me in and after a lot of sitting around, a few tests and a shiny new chest x-ray, I officially have bacterial pneumonia in my left lung, treatable with an antibiotic that will probably suck out my intestines unless I take my acidophilus and bifidobacterium along with it. I have decided to stick with my natural stuff anyway. Because maybe without all of that, I'd be much worse off than I am now.

Looks like I will have at least a few more days of enforced time off from the studio, after which I will have to really kick butt to catch up for the show in January. But I am not going to think about that right now - I am just going to enjoy resting for just a bit more, even if it is starting to drive me nuts. Well, not the being waited on part or handing over all chores and chauffeuring duties to Doug, that part is just fine. Heh.

A Happy Thanksgiving Anyway

We have a dorky shot like this of Doug and a turkey each year for the last 13 years or so.

On Monday and Tuesday, I spoke way too soon about feeling better and having a milder version of this illness than my son had last month. I really should know better then to talk like that!

I did have a few moments where I felt like I might be getting better but mostly I felt even worse over the last few days. The intense cough kept me up each night no matter how many tricks I tried to soften it or even ignore it. Each morning I felt ok, and would get up and take a shower but by noon or so I'd have a fever which would last into the evening. I was getting seriously bummed out about all of this as Thanksgiving got closer and I realized that I wouldn't be able to do much of, if any of the cooking or other preparations. But Doug, my own personal saint, stepped in and took care of everything. He ran to the store twice for last minute supplies, he cleaned and he cooked each and every dish. He made the pies (his first ever), all of the side dishes and the turkey (normally he does the turkey and the potatoes and I do everything else). Ok, I supervised him just a bit from my chair in the kitchen, but still he cooked and eventually washed every single dish, piece of silverware, pot and pan in this house by the end of the day. And he said he enjoyed it. I am feeling a bit teary eyed thinking about it.

The kids helped out too, they did a lot of cleaning and waiting on me hand and foot and no complaining either. Dinner was lovely, eaten by candlelight in our beautiful (and seldom used) dining room. There was something that appealed to everyone, even the pickiest eaters, and despite not having an appetite at all for over a week, I managed a few bites. The evening ending with everyone showing off their own particular tricks, double jointed thumbs, shoulder blades that pop out, etc and we all oohed and aahed.

I am incredibly grateful to have such a wonderful husband who never once complained about all the unexpected work for him and not only that, was concerned about how I felt all day too. I am so lucky to have him and our amazing kids, to finally have a close family, one without issues and undercurrents.

So without messing things up for myself again, I am not going to say how I feel today. However I will say that I am puttering around in the studio AND am not hawking up quite as much crud as yesterday. You can draw your own conclusions from that. Heh.

Same As It Ever Was

Sloping Field, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x18

Well, today is pretty much the same as yesterday. I am ok, but still wiped out and haven't had the energy to venture into the studio. I think I will wait until Friday and start slowly, with puttering. There is always plenty of that to do. Plus the kids will be home and that will guarantee that I won't be able to do anything really productive.

Last week before I understood that I was sick, not just lazy, I did manage to get a few pieces done, including three options for a client interested in a "sort of" commission. They all turned out nicely, even if I don't specifically recall painting them. Now I can see what a haze I was in last week.

I have posted one of them today and will post the others soon.

A Miss After All

Winter Light, 2007, Oil on Panel, 9x12

Well, folks, turns out I was too sick after all to make it to my own opening in Pittsburgh, for a show that has been on my calendar for over two years, yes, two years.

I really thought I was better, and had nearly convinced myself of that during the 2 hour drive to the airport and while standing in the security lines. But when Doug and I were in the bookstore, it really hit me-I felt awful. When I moved my eyes everything wiggled and I was pretty sure I had a fever (I did, it was 101.9). So Doug got our bag back, canceled everything and we drove back home.

I felt horrible about missing the opening, I worried about how the gallery had put so much time and energy into setting up the show and publicizing it and how it felt like such a faux pas that I had committed. Of course the gallery director was very nice and understanding when Doug called her to explain (I was practically hallucinating by then) but still this is new territory for me and I reserve the right to feel guilty anyway. But by Friday evening I didn't care, I was worried about survival! And at around 7pm on Saturday, during the opening, I was crawling around my bedroom trying to get into bed so that I could assume the fetal position and die. So I guess it was good I didn't go, right?

Anyway, today I am feeling much better. I still have a very irritating cough and not much energy, but I am not seeing things anymore, my temperature has been normal since last night and the part in my hair doesn't hurt as much either (I am not even kidding, the area around the part of my hair was incredibly painful and sensitive. I kept thinking it would go away if I made a new part on the other side but I couldn't bear the thought of doing that either). Doug took care of everything while I was out of it and the kids have been very helpful towards me. I plan to milk that for at least another week or so. The other benefits from this enforced time off was, well having time off, which I suspect I needed (the body is very intuitive) and I lost a few pounds plus was able to kick my sugar habit in one fell swoop.

There is always a bright side.

A Near Miss

Head on View, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10

I seldom get sick anymore. The last time I had a fever/flu (I don't do flu shots) was about 12 years ago and it's been almost three years since I have had a cold. So when I began to feel funny a few days ago I didn't pay any attention to it at all, just thinking I was tired. But Wednesday night I started having chills and sweats, coughing and had a low fever.

While trying to sleep that night, I worried about the timing of this. Months ago, I had made all of the travel arrangements for this weekend's trip to Pittsburgh for the solo show opening reception and the way I felt on Wednesday, I was pretty sure that I would not be able to go. The thought of getting on an airplane seemed downright painful.

BUT, on Thursday I didn't feel worse and in fact after taking it easy all day and loading up on tea and Vitamin C, I felt much better last night. So even though I don't feel 100% Doug and I are going to leave this afternoon after all.

When it was looking like I wouldn't be going, I felt really bad about the thought of missing it. I mean, if you're sick you are sick and standing around talking and shaking hands with people isn't a great idea, but I feel a lot of self induced pressure to be at the openings, especially the receptions for a solo show. I feel grateful to the galleries that are giving me these exhibition opportunities and the best way that I can support their efforts, besides supplying fab work, is to be at the openings.

This does raise an interesting issue though. How to handle last minute situations that arise right before an opening or event? When I started all of this I often had "anxiety" dreams, where I would dream that I simply forgot to go to the event. As if! Things do come up though and I guess I have been lucky so far that nothing in my personal life has interfered with the art stuff.

The painting I have posted today is one that will be on display in the show at Boxheart (the opening is this Saturday, November 17, 6-9pm, for those of you who may live in the area) and I wanted to mention that it's an unusual painting for me in the sense that it is a straightforward view of a barn. I have tried these sorts of views and compositions before but they have always failed miserably. They just look extremely flat and static, so I usually add a little tilt or change the angle slightly. For some reason, however, this one just worked, in fact it's one that just painted itself.