Saturday, November 4, 2006
I am Moderately Freaked Out
Pink Barn with X's, 2006, Oil on Panel, 6x6
All last week, I was feeling confident about the work that I took to the gallery for the show and in fact just kind of floated through the last few days not thinking about any of it very much at all. I worked on several small, 6 inch square paintings for a small works show, cleaned up the house, caught up on the yard work a bit, did some baking and made a nice lunch yesterday for the guys who are working on our porch. Basically I took it easy and didn't do too much in the studio, kind of forgetting about it all for awhile.
But then last night I looked on the gallery's website and they had posted some photos of the show, including a shot of my section. It looks as if they had decided NOT to hang the 48x60 barn painting (I had suspected they might not-when I dropped it off they weren't too keen on it) AND I can see that at least one piece from a previous show was hung along with the new work. This set off all my anxieties, and I woke up convinced that my newer work sucks and that it was a struggle for the gallery just to find anything good to hang. And Jane's work looks amazing-her paintings are huge and beautiful and I am totally envious, but in a good way really, because I am very happy and proud for her, that she is so successful. It's just that I want that too, and today I am feeling very impatient about about getting there.
I think it helps me a bit ultimately (it's kind of that jinx thing-too much confidence is a jinx in my book) to have all of these doubts and worries, but in the meantime, I am kind of freaking out. I AM disappointed that they didn't like the big piece (mostly because now I have to figure out what the heck to do with it), and while I know and understand that everyone has different opinions (obviously, because otherwise I would be way more successful, we all would be) about what they like, part of me always hopes that everyone will love every painting that I do.
I know that this is all part of the post-show meltdown. The opening will be fine, I will meet cool people and maybe sell a few pieces. It'll be fine. I just need to have a good half day of insecurity, embarrassment and yucky feelings of disappointment in order to enjoy the fun part.