Drive Through, 2007, Oil on Panel, 8x10
Today was pretty much a normal day. I did the chicken chores (in a snowstorm), I sat at my computer most of the morning (not exactly what I should be doing, but a completely normal manner of procrastination before I was sick), worked in the studio in the afternoon, plus I made dinner and did a few loads of laundry. I can't say that I am full of energy or anything, but I am feeling pretty good finally.
An interesting thing though about getting back to work. I worked for a few hours on Sunday afternoon doing some underpaintings, first time back in three weeks, and it was tough! I was nervous at first, my hands were actually shaking and it took me awhile to get into a groove. I was close to it towards the end however, and even though I didn't have the usual exhilaration that I normally have after starting a bunch of underpaintings, I felt pleased. And relieved. Today, I started with color on some underpaintings that I did before I got sick and it was the same thing. Nervous then I gradually settled in. I think tomorrow will be better. And the work I accomplished was good.
I have found that going back to work after something happens (like after my mom died) is surprisingly difficult, maybe because that is when I really want and need the comfort of painting. Going back to work after taking an extended regular old break isn't quite so tough and isn't so emotionally challenging. Everything looks different after an event that keeps me away from work and perhaps the desperation to go back to the familiar skews all of it. Ultimately, though I am not worried. There is always something to be gained from life's experiences, even if it takes awhile to figure out what the lesson is. In the meantime, my discipline will carry the day.
I am still going to go to bed early tonight though.