Bear Left, 2007, Oil on Panel, 16x20
I have never been much of a crier. In fact before I had my babies, I hardly ever cried. After my oldest was born, I could easily burst into tears during a car insurance commercial, I was so sensitive. Much of that has passed now, however, the last week's events has really put me back into new mommy territory again.
1. Obviously, finding out that my mother doesn't have much time left started it all off.
2. Telling my husband about that, over the phone, because he had just left town on a business trip. In fact, every time I told someone about it, I choked up. Poor UPS guy, surely he regrets asking me about my trip!
3. Random thoughts about what I would say to my mom when I'd see her.
4. Seeing my mom in the hospital, sitting up, wearing an orange baseball type cap. Actually, I cried and laughed a little at that sight.
5. Hearing that the miners in Utah hadn't been saved yet, on Wednesday night when I got to my hotel. And that it would be awhile before they could get to them.
6. Seeing my sister for the first time in nine years, got me a little teary eyed, but the make-up stayed on through that one. I am the big sis and didn't want to completely fall apart on her right away. Heh.
7. Both of us being hugged in my Uncle Jim's arms, at the same time, and the tears really poured out when he wouldn't let us go for a very long time. I don't think I have been hugged like that with my sister since maybe 1971.
8. Talking with everyone in the hospital room about how many people responded to my last blog post about my mother.
9. Having my last conversation with my mom and saying goodbye, for what I think is probably the last time. The details are personal, but I think you can all understand that one.
10. And then I cried again when I saw everyone crying when they saw me crying after I came out of her room. Kind of a round robin kind of cry I guess.
11. Later that night I welled up again at dinner while the mariachi band was playing us a beautiful song. Something about sitting there with my uncle, my sister, my husband on the last day I would see someone we all loved. That moment really got me.
I guess it's 11 things that made me cry. Or maybe even 154 if you count the fact that nothing much seems to make me cry lately too. Luckily, though I am still laughing and there was much of that in the last week as well. But I imagine there will be more crying ahead for me and for all of us. In fact, in writing this I find myself tearing up. I am overwhelmed by how many of you have offered us, a family that most of you have never met, your good wishes, sympathy and prayers. We all appreciate it so much and feel humbled by your kindness.
Thank you all so much.